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Joining in, or, Following After ?
The words we say and the actions we take assist our consistency of character and our ease of participation. The more often we repeat the same phrases in association with the same actions, the more strongly they become associated (imprinted) and the more automatic they are carried out. These patterns form our expectations and assumptions. They make our lives easier, and, less conscious. For such rituals, we surrender our freedom of Choice for a Choice to have a committed to outcome. We practice tying our shoe laces.
The more often we DO the activity, the easier it is for us to remember all the movements required and keep them in the necessary sequence for the outcome to be a success. Soon, we barely need to think about the task for it to be completed. We look down at our shoes, our mind goes blank momentarily, and the action is completed as if we were programmed robots. We are! In this case, WE have chosen the programming.
There are times when we follow the actions of a Mentor.
The person may be a teacher, parent, friend, or even enemy. All they must have is our attention. If we fear them, we dare not take our attention away from them. If we revere them, we do not want to miss anything they say and do. Other people we are more consciously selective of. The larger and more regulated a culture is, the more contacts we are likely to fear rather than revere. Others have authority, power, or persuasion over us. We are no longer equals amongst small groups sharing what we have. Competition increases. Often, we are more a follower than a leader.
To join in, as an equal, is only possible if we have assertiveness, self-esteem, and a battery of other Positive Attitudes and Behaviors. Those are easiest to learn and express when we are physically strong, alert to and perceptive of others, happy and content, and, accepted and acknowledged. These traits have a tendency to change when we become ill. There departure from the positive increases with the severity and length of our out-of-sorts condition. We become misunderstood, excluded, avoided, pitied. It becomes easy for us to become depressed, withdrawn, despairing. We had NO Choice in this outcome, or, DO we?
Examples of Despairing.
Would you know if you were DOING despairing?
In the English language we often speak of having or feeling experiences. There has been a tendency for the active part of the experience to be understood as something that we have no control over. It can be as if we are passengers within ourselves watching as we motor along on auto-pilot. Neurolinguistics would indicate that we are taking a Passive role in our lives. We are being as if driven totally by our energy blocks, rituals, expectations and assumptions. CHOICE is minimized to the point of almost missing. How do we describe our day?
- I feel weak.
- I feel tired.
- I can't get up.
- I don't think I can.
- I don't know where to begin.
- I'll probably fail if I try that.
- [add YOUR examples]
Despair is a form of grieving that we have lost something while we may still be able to DO something. Despair is believing that one is locked into restrictions because the freedoms of the far Past have been replaced by failures in the near Past. It is a belief that we cannot change our Reality. Those past failures are now proving to be so painful that we fear their repetition. NOT doing becomes a neutral. If you do nothing, how can you fail at it? Not like trying to do something and failing.
Examples of Doing.
When we do anything, we take action, make decisions, initiate, complete, extend ourselves. We act on a confidence and faith that we can effect some change for the better in our lives. What has kept me focused through all of the many challenges I have experienced was a belief that I COULD do what ever it took to succeed, to win, IF, that was the best that could be. Every time I succeeded where others gave up or failed, I was emboldened for the next challenge, should one come.
What does it mean to be DOING?
- I am Doing weakness.
- I am Doing tired.
- I am Doing weakness.
- I am Doing confusion.
- I am Doing overwhelmed.
- I am Doing failure.
- [add YOUR examples]
IF I am DOING something, there is an expressed dynamic that I have initiated it. I have put it into action. If I have created something, I can choose to stop it, put an end to it. I could just as easily say NO to each statement of loss, or of following, and offer these:
- I am Doing strength.
- I am Doing rested.
- I am Doing getting up..
- I am Doing confidence.
- I am Doing planning.
- I am Doing learning by my attempts.
- [add YOUR examples]
Even if you do not proceed very far, you may be able to go further than you expect, if, you decide to break the old pattern(s) and focus on moving ahead into the Future. The old way is to focus on the Past and make it into the Present and the Future. When you were born, you could not walk. Have you ever walked since? If you have, the Past does not control the Present or the Future. Tell yourself that you can and you will be more likely to DO something than if you tell yourself you can't.
God is always with us when we invite, acknowledge, and show reverence.
At the worst of times in the worst of my challenges, earlier in life, when I had done all that I had the strength to do, I relented and asked God for help. My independence kept me going against all the odds that others spoke to me of. It was my willingness to be humble and reverent and open the door to whatever was possible yet unthinkable that brought me the answers no one else had to offer. Be careful that your Strengths do not sabotage you. I don't have the time to waste being wrong. Now, I just ASK. The BEST Way need not be difficult or painful. Sometimes, we only need to take a look in another direction to find a door to freedom.
3b. Captain or boiler fireman ?
A captain of a ship takes responsibility for its safe and efficient operation. A boiler fireman follows the orders of all those who have positions of authority and have elected to take responsibility for the whole or part of the operations. Our lives are most often a result of the degree of interest we take in them and of the degree of Choice we exercise. If we are only concerned with what others think and perceive, we have little concern or awareness about ourselves. We are not living OUR life. We are living the lives of other people. And, they are making the choices. Those choices are most often going to be about what THEY want for themselves. Just as often, it will be at our expense and our loss. We have no justification to blame them or hold them responsible for the outcomes, for in our looking to them, we have abandoned ourselves and put them in charge.
Captain or seaman/boiler fireman?
Which do you want to be? Not as simple a question as one might think.
The boiler fireman has a simple enough job and few responsibilities.
He shovels the coal into the boiler and ensures that the fire runs.
The coal supply never runs low. He has his meal breaks.
He works according to how fast the boilers are set to burn.
The choices of the seaman are limited.
The shift begins and ends at specific times, always.
It is expected that he will arrive on duty, on time.
Off duty, there are few restrictions on activities.
Like the person in denial, awareness is minimal.
One has great freedom, within, the strict guidelines set by others.
Bad things WILL happen, for us and others.
We have no choice in that.
We accept.
The Captain has major choice.
There is great freedom and few restrictions.
The Captain decides when he will work and when others will work in his absence. He assigns personnel to different posts and ensures that they have the training to do their jobs. Responsibility falls on the Captain for determining the route taken to reach the destination port. How many stops will be made along the way? Where? When? For how long? What speed will the ship travel at? He will need to remain aware, constantly, of the weather conditions, the traffic in the region, the fuel and resources supplies, news received from other ships and contacts.
The Captain has perhaps begun as a seaman and by continually learning new skills and accepting new responsibilities has become more and more capable of assuming greater command of the choices available. If bad things happen to the ship, the crew, or himself ... he has had a Choice in if, why, and when they have occurred. He can learn from such failures and do better in the future; yet, he IS responsible, in part or whole, for the experiences everyone has because of the "bad thing".
Captains have a confidence in their ability to DO good.
They know that much can be done and they have chosen to join in.
They know that bad things can happen and they seek to minimize them.
They take Joy from the experience of helping others be successful.
They are rewarded for their efforts and their good choices.
It is their risk to take Joy and reward by avoiding the bad.
Part of avoiding the bad, they have learned, is to change.
They choose to be ever open to the relevancy of change.
They provide others with the choices they have earned.
They hold apart from those in fear, choices not wanted.
No one chooses to BE a Captain.
You can choose to LEARN to become a Captain.
The Captain also experiences failures and "bad days".
Do you have CFS-ME and are you content to remain ill?
Perhaps being and remaining a boiler fireman is for you.
If you have CFS-ME and want to Recover, you have a Choice.
YOU can choose to use this and other resources to learn.
You CAN become a Captain of your own ship.
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