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Overwhelmed !
Most of human history, individuals spent their entire day, week, and month in the occasional presence of not more than 30 people. Usually, the meetings and togetherness involved less than 6 persons. Topics ranged from the weather, planning for food gathering, making clothing, building shelter, and cooking food. There was no radio, television, Dvds, MP3 players, cars, engines, electricity, toilets, heating or cooling devices. News was comprised of what you or those nearby, could see, hear, smell. There was rarely anything to rush about, worry, or fear. There was TIME.
The Quality of Relationships and Communication often depends upon the amount of Time able to be made available and chosen to be made available. The shorter the time used to communicate, the more potential there is for misunderstandings, harshness, impatience, frustration, anxiety, fear, anger, loss of respect, and other wasteful outcomes. These are "wasteful" because much MORE time is required to repair such fractured associations than would have been required to avoid the errors originally. To the degree that such errors do happen, or, are enabled to happen, the more one is encouraged to become cautionary and defensive, projective and assuming ... in their communication.
Maintaining a state of calm, stability, and togetherness can become Politeness.
For the sake of acknowledging the other person who speaks to us, it may be simplest and most usual, in a densely populated and/or dynamic environment .. to portray an image of quiet neutrality. This is what the two words, "Fine", and "Nice" usually signify. They indicate that we have heard what the other person has offered and we are choosing not to risk conflict by adding a reply which may suggest or signify that we either disagree with the friend before us, or, that we want to Engage in a longer and more involved conversation about this particular item or issue.
Being awake, active, engaged with others, working ... was all restricted for most humans to an average of 12 hours per day until the beginning of the 1900s, just over 100 years ago. Then, the option of electric lighting began to spread and to lengthen the duration of one's interactivity. Before, the introduction of engines had increased the Power a person could express towards the activities of traveling, constructing, material fabrication. The use of the machines had been extended through longer daylight hours only by the use of fire risky open flame lighting. Fewer choices.
If this were me, it is gone and Past!
In the 21st century, there are thousands of choices made every day by anyone living in the high density cities of the commercial environment which has expanded from industrialization to the information age. Technology is inclusive of many lifestyles and it alone continues to grow in complexity and user options by dozens of new choices daily. Money can be made quickly, and, lost quickly. The differentiation between the richer and poorer segments of the highly capitalized economies has continued to grow apart during the past 20 years. Incomes that once represented a middle class have all but disappeared by 2009. Rich or poor, stress levels are measured by the degree of Risk one perceives to be present in their lives together with the number of contacts one answers to daily, and, the number of choices made, hourly. With so many communications happening, the duration of each and the form of each has drastically been altered in recent years.
Fewer people are independent and self-sufficient in this centralization of commerce than at any other time in the past 70 years. A lower proportion of these "connected" persons have the awareness or skills to grow their own food, build their own shelter, or preserve their food .. than at any time in the past 40 years. In other words, there is a higher proportion of the population that are dependent upon one another for their employment and income than at any earlier period. The collapse of the economic markets in 2007/8 could not have influenced so many people to such a devastating degree if many had not participated in Passive Economics.
Passive Economics is based upon a participation in the market by individuals who follow the high profile leadership of market advisors. Such entry individuals have been encouraged to feel pressured by their continuing real loss to their salaries and wages and the constant reporting of market winners who have multiplied their investments and credit within a few years. The pressure is that jobs within the parent empire will continue to be pushed offshore into the economic colonies where competition is decided by drastically lower costs of operation (fuel, workers, materials, taxes, buildings, machinery). Clearly, the North American and European communities are facing drastic job losses during the next 20 years. The worker is attempting to participate in a market not understood.
Acceptance at any price.
It is all about Politeness when we are deferring to the status quo.
Few mature and independent persons LIKE to put themselves in a position of criticizing the masses and the members of any of the authoritarian institutions which employ so many people who collectively hold much of the political power. A great amount of social abuse has been garnered historically by groups of people who sought acceptance and membership at any price. There was a hope that their individuality of dress, customs, beliefs, and language would not be noticed if they were to participate AS IF they were part of the status quo majority.
Ways of Joining In with Deception.
- Using indirect responses to avoiding conflict or disagreement.
- Using general terms in answers to specific questions.
- Speaking a language not native or fluent to oneself.
- Agreeing to principles you would not commit to.
- Telling jokes which demean your minority.
- Making comments which revere the majority.
People who perceive themselves to be special, gifted, or deserving ... often are quite intolerant and even more widely abusive to others who try to impersonate them for gain, than to those who are openly though quietly different. That is, persons who greatly wish to be accepted by a majority or a power group often do themselves a dis-service by attempting to downplay their separateness.
A person who has CFS-ME is easily NOT part of the masses, status quo, and perhaps even not of racial or economic majority.
If this were me, it is gone and Past!
Alternatives.
We can take a more active and understanding role in our decisions by being humble, assertive, self-directed. Sometimes, a foolish decision is worse than no decision. This is increasingly the case with one's credit, assets, savings, and, investments. As has been demonstrated for many years, Contrarian advisors often fare better in accuracy and benefit to their clients than the more popular, conservative, and authoritative fund managers. Contrarian advisors tend to take a position which opposes that of the conservative manager.
If we cannot make statements and answer questions with words indicating our personal awareness and a definitive finding or evaluation, we likely are best not to make them at all. The use of the terms "Fine" and "Nice" often mean that we don't know anything about the subject, or, that it is not relevant to us. Asking more questions of our host or interviewer, or, associate, is often more wiser than offering a useless, though polite, answer. Here are some more specific possibilities:
That is/It is/It was/It will be ..
- (true real statements of personal awareness)
- satisfactory
- not acceptable
- what I like
- good
- adequate
- satisfactory
- isn't a concern of mine
- constructive
- aromatic
- soft
- warm
- colorful
- calming
- stimulating
- sunny
- invigorating
- joyful
- bright
- exciting
- interesting
- complete
- attractive
- vibrant
- relaxing
- boring
- pleasant
- comfortable
- fresh
- savory
- delicious
- clearing
- supportive
- economical
- effective
- helpful
- harmonizing
- lovely
- flowing
- repairing
- growing
- thanks
- uncomfortable
-
-
-
-
-
- [add your own replacements]
The terms "Fine" and "Nice" provide easy, acceptable, energy saving answers to many questions. They also tend to enable us to present ourselves as passive, distracted, depressed, uninterested. For those of us with CFS-ME, it is important to take whatever small steps we can to gently exercise our minds and draw focus to our consciousness. Whenever possible, take the few minutes necessary to choose a more detailed and personal response to your listener. It will demonstrate a greater respect for them, and yourself.
A PAUSE may be necessary for you to push your way through the brain fog which may be present. Accept this and work with it. You CAN turn it to the positive by not making the event all about YOU. Take a Pause from immediately ansering the question posed to you. DO something as an interim preoccupation which will give you the time to remain Calm, clear the cobwebs, and recall or devise a relevant answer. Here are a few Pause options.
- briefly ignore the question
- ask a question of your host
- excuse yourself to the bathroom
- ask someone nearby for their feedback
- comment on something positive about the host
- draw attention to something in the decor
- feign hearing difficult, ask them to repeat
To be embarrased by a mind blank, is to accept passivity, fear, and rejection .. where none is relevant. That IS foolish. To rush and fluster, or say something erratic or sarcastic, is to invite avoidance. To allow yourself to feel attacked or made fun of is to assume the paranoia of the selfish person when you have the opportunity to show that you can have a sincere interest in the opinions and activities of others.
It is YOUR Choice.
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