INDEX
• Freedom demands Choice.
• Negative energy reactions.
• Positive energy responses.
• Choice or Ritual.

1. Freedom demands Choice.

When others ask you a question how do you usually respond?
Make a note of your answers over the next 24 hours. Do you always answer the question with a fact, opinion, or some assertive wording? Do you pause to do reflection and remembering? Do you do frustration and feel imposed upon or boxed in? Are you living a life of freedoms, or, a life of restraints?

The words we use to answer simple and direct questions tends to indicate the degree to which we are focused/distracted, the degree to which we fear a loss of our relationship with the other person(s), and, the degree to which we can portray humility/pride easily. The words we use will either build our personal strength, or, weakness -- regardless of the information conveyed, or not.

2. Negative energy reactions

The common modern reply to questions we don't know the answer to are these:

• I don't know.
• Don't ask me!
• Don't you know?

We do not want to answer incorrectly.
We do not want to look stupid or ignorant to others.
We do not want to reinforce our image of low self-esteem in a world in which we continually are being made less significant by the often fictional identities that interact with us from the mass media (Internet, movies, television, radio, singers, actors, service-persons). Many people are now acknowledging that it is becoming difficult for them to separate the reality blazing at them from the mass media with the reality in which they participate intimately.

IF one assumes that it is wrong or feeble to admit to not knowing something, it becomes easy to follow the response of so many others and take the easy and short way out. In this day of overstimulation, malnutrition, and complex relationships .. it is also easy to find oneself experiencing mind fog, forgetting, fatigue. The more dynamic the work and workplace one is involved in and the more dense the population in which one works or travels ... the more each additional request pushes one towards overload. The common "I don't know" response is often simply a way of avoiding the stress of doing remembering.

It is also often a simple way of avoiding a possible interpersonal conflict .. even, when we KNOW we have the correct answer. Yet each time we take the short route, we train our Reptilian Structures to do this automatically. Each time we do this, we take a little more strength away from our Ego and SuperEgo and prepare ourselves for a defensive, passive, and apathetic existence. In THAT world, negation rules ... and that prompts depression and invites deception and manipulation from others. How can we live a life we LOVE, if we allow it to be ruled by the choices and inclinations of others?

A PAUSE may be helpful in giving you the time to build inner strength against the background of fear. Accept your fear and take action beyond it. You CAN turn this to the positive by not making the event all about YOU. Take a Pause from immediately answering the question posed to you. DO something as an interim preoccupation which will give you the time to remain Calm, clear the cobwebs, and recall or devise a relevant answer. Here are a few Pause options.

• briefly ignore the question
• ask a question of your host
• excuse yourself to the bathroom
• ask someone nearby for their feedback
• comment on something positive about the host
• draw attention to something in the decor
• feign hearing difficult, ask them to repeat

To be minimized by fear, is to accept passivity, fear, and rejection .. where none is relevant. That IS foolish. To be silent and withdraw, or say something erratic or sarcastic, is to invite a positive assumption of inclusion and support. To allow yourself to feel needy or coerced to assume the pasivity of the weak person when you have the opportunity to show that you can have a sincere interest in the opinions and activities of others, is losing.
It is YOUR Choice.

3. Positive energy responses

There are more healthful alternatives:

• That's an interesting question ...
• I haven't done that before
• That is new to me.
• I haven't thought about it before.
• I'm doing forgetting, it will come shortly.
• I am not familiar with that.
• I haven't done/used that before.
• I haven't decided yet.
• I'll look it up.
• Why do you want to know?
• It will come to me in a few minutes.
• It hasn't been an interest of mine before.
• Let me (Let's) ask ...
• (Another person) will know.
• What did you say?
• It has been awhile since I heard.
• Is it important?
• I don't believe I have come across that.
• What does it sound like?
• It isn't important to me.
• If you need it, I will look it up.
• What does it sound like?
• I didn't put it together.
• What do you think it is?
• What would you like to do?
• I'll go and look, check ...
• I'll ask (someone).
• Let's ask (someone).
• We can check on the Internet/at the library.
• Maybe (our friend/neighbor ...) will know.
• Never heard of it!
• [add your own]

4. Choice or Ritual

When others ask you a question you have a Choice to respond or react
Most of the time, you can respond assertively whether you have a correct answer or not. A short pause may enable you to remember the information requested. Remaining calm is imperative. If you remain centered and focused within yourself, there will be no apology for not remembering, not knowing, or, having an incorrect answer. Everyone learns by making mistakes. Everyone forgets. Everyone, particularly, as one gathers more information and experiences, finds it more difficult to Retrieve seldom used bits from the growing mountain of internalized data.