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Introduction - Relevancy
Please read this introduction several times before proceeding.
While context is important everywhere, it is especially so here.
If you win at understanding the context, you will benefit highly.
Otherwise, your time spent here, is worthless.
Successful Relationships are an Art!
An art is an activity which combines the best of experience, education, skill development, and tools. The artist is ever making an effort to effect the best result with their tools from their considerable practice and refinements. Skill is paramount to the final outcome. Artistic Skill demands awareness, sensitivity, innovation, passion, persistence, trust in oneself, forgiveness, ... for it is ever transforming crude resources into visual and tactile and auditory presentations of beauty. The artist IS an artist because they choose to join with the resources around them and create something which they are not sure what it will be, yet they have Faith that THEIR participation will prove acceptable to the God which made their life possible. Art often grows out of pain and suffering. It can reveal and share. It can be a reverential act.
Real Life vs Intellectualized Fantasy.
That is what ALL of these writings are about.
Most of what is here you will not find elsewhere.
If it had been elsewhere, we would have Recovered in short time.
We would not have experienced the pain, turmoil and challenge.
I would not be writing and sharing these sometimes very personal notes.
WE survived only because of the relationship between my wife and I.
With that relationship, we shared our commitment to our God.
With that relationship, we shared our belief in Spiritual Guidance.
With that relationship, we shared our experiences of Faith.
We came together through those beliefs and commitments.
We had little romantic lust, fantasy, or intellectualization.
That, left little to lose when CFS-ME rolled in over us.
We persevered through a host of differences.
A Positive Result was inspired by our Very Different basic personalities.
Astrologically & psychologically we are defined as the Worst match!
Fortunately, we had decades of experience and self-refinement to start.
Even so, every strength each of us had was tempered out of intensity.
YOU and your partner will NEVER face these conflicts & frustrations.
You do not have to. We did. We made it through. We learned.
I am sharing on these pages what can be significant for you.
Information that would have been found from experiences you might never have, and, which I hope you never need to have.
How fortunate are YOU?
Here is a list of the ways my wife and I differ.
The BAD.
- Diet: our blood types are different, mine is O; hers is A.
- Sign: mine is Sagitarian, Rooster, Wood; hers is Cancer, Dog, Earth.
- Gender: I am male, she is female (perhaps a difference you share).
- Age: I was born in 1945; she in 1958 (different generations).
- Culture: my heritage is Irish/French/British; hers is Italian.
- Experience: I am highly intellectual; she is highly emotional.
- Attitude: I am gifted with Hope/Optimism; she with Worry/Fear.
- Reliance: I am strongly independent; she is strongly mothering.
- Stability: I love change & revelation; she loves routine & certainty.
- Sleep Time: I sleep best in the AM; she sleeps best in the PM.
- Work Time: I work best overnight; she works best during the day.
- Imprinting: I had none that was intense; she had much that was.
- Dominant: I have had a Strong SuperEgo; she has had a Strong Ego.
- Patience: strong though different expressions of impatience.
- Tinnitus: hers has been severe; mine has been minor.
- Preferences: hundreds were different!
How unfortunate are YOU?
Here is a list of the ways my wife and I are similar.
The GOOD.
- God: we believe passionately in the same One with 3 faces.
- Authority: we both defer to Spiritual Guidance from the One.
- Motivation: we both find Joy in helping others.
- Travel: we both like to travel, for different reasons.
We LOST most of our capacity for helping others and travel when we acquired CFS-ME.
Where/in what do you live?
Here is a list of our housing factors.
The UGLY.
- Style: we located to an older moble home for stability.
- Security: severe problems continued to arise from beginning.
- Repairs: we basically had to repair/renovate during CFS-ME.
- Location: rural, less purchase cost, travel for everything.
- Health care: EVERYTHING was at a distance.
- Income: did not qualify for any disability benefits;
CFS-ME not recognized!. Medically diagnosed; politically denied.
No GOOD choices available: move every 3 to 9 months, or, buy this.
How do we ALL benefit?
How turmoil AND passion succeeded.
THE BEAUTIFUL.
Often, researchers and those who have recovered from other illnesses, setbacks, failures, and syndromes, are ONLY aware of the factors which have been significant to THEIR brand of difficulties. They confidently provide directions to others with a context of authority and pride which keeps them in denial of other possibilities and the limitations of their own direction. They often end up helping SOME people and disadvantaging and discouraging MANY. Their results ARE relevant for some, yet not for all. They have made their way, often with persistence and an even direction, towards A solution.
CFS-ME is NOT a simple and singular illness.
There is NO singular and simple understanding and remedy for it.
I found facets of it which were often significant for one of us, yet not both.
We SEEMED to have the same symptoms, though not always at the same time. The REALITY is that we shared some secondary illnesses, often different primary influences, and, a love for each other.
Our conflicts almost drowned us.
Yet, they brought into clarity, for me, that there were SOME significant different influences that had resulted in our acquiring CFS-ME, in addition to the similarities. Together, those that affected her, I , and us, affected most other people, in some combination. We thank God for the timeliness in our being brought together. Had it not happened so and had we not both become ill with CFS-ME within weeks of each other, we would have died early on. I suggest that there are thousands of people dying every year who have acquired CFS-ME, yet have been undiagnosed, misdiagnosed, worsened with inadequate or irrelevant treatment, abandoned, or, committed suicide, or, died through preventable accident.
The use of Spiritual Guidance and Muscle Testing is emphaisized throughout ALL of these writings. I cannot, nor can most other humans, tell YOU, with complete accuracy as to WHAT variety of 1000 you have, if you have CFS-ME. Even less accurately, can I or they tell you which therapies, supplements, herbals, homeopathics .. in which doses, and when ... will lead to your rapid and certain recovery. God can! What is the catch?
You have to know the QUESTIONS to ask.
And, you have to be willing to be humble enough to ASK the questions, and, to either develop the skill of accurately receiving the answers, or, of finding someone who can. The information on these pages affords you the background from which you can formulate YOUR Questions, find the ANSWERS which are relevant for YOU, and RECOVER. :)
1. Beyond the Physical.
When the Physical is Gone!
Lack of faith creates negative thoughts, negative thoughts create negative actions and negative actions will destroy anything or anyone in a relationship. When the body reacts to inflammation and other indicators of dis-ease, it closes down or minimizes all external interaction. Elsewhere, I acknowledge the common designation of TH1 pattern responses. When you have CFS-ME, this IS your Reality. You can change it IF you know what to expect and why. You have a conscious mind with an Ego and SuperEgo will. You can CHOOSE how you Respond to others.
How good could YOU communicate, with these helpers?
- poor memory
- poor decision making
- anxiety
- depression
- sleep disturbance
- tremor
- numbness
- tingling and weakness
The strength of your physical system will be mirrored in the strength of your TH1 reactions. IF you have one or more STRONG Identity Factors, you will find your Choices limited to the point that you sometimes question your sanity. The point you hopefully reach sooner than later, is that you have a timeframe during each day during which you can Choose how you are going to communicate. The rest of the time, you will find it difficult to not feel and act as if you are out-of-control. Be proud, and you will destroy your relationships. Be humble, and you may win through.
By taking note of this reality and working with it, you may preserve whatever relationships you have, or, are worth saving. If you are in a close relationship, and if you both are sharing various forms of CFS-ME, you will be in the same surroundings nearly 24-7-365. If you do not LIMIT the time you spend together and trying to communicate, you will spend more time in acting out to each other, like adults with the coping skills of 2-year-olds.
This will assuredly drive you to hate one another and into a separation or divorce, or worse! It can be greatly an improvement to give each other the majority of the day to sleep or have personal time, even if you would like to be with them. Better to Choose happier times together than extended crappy times. Once TH1 symptoms take over, it becomes almost impossible to back away, until, there has been separation time.
Acquaintance.
Persons you know little of, often know little about you.
Like all other info presented here, the following is something for you to consider. There are no hard and fast rules and few strategies are best for everyone. Unless you want to present yourself as a weak, ill, out-of-control person to someone, I would encourage you to take pleasure in the MOMENTS of contact you have with acquaintances, and leave it at that, until you are better.
You can likely find something you like and can comment on with the other person. You can keep any references to yourself and your current feelings and health to a minimum. With few exceptions, they have little interest in CFS-ME, little or no expertise in YOUR illness, and no interest in a lengthy diatribe about YOUR frustrations, anger, and weakness. So, keep it short and positive, until you Recover and have something more positive to share.
Consider that most doctors, receptionists, therapists, facilitators, delivery personnel, clerks, people in checkout lines, drivers, neighbors, and most other people you meet ... ARE people who are acquaintances.
Acknowledgment.
Everyone likes to hear positives about themselves.
Whether they are a spouse, close friend, associate, neighbor, or passerby .. most people feel happier and included when you notice something positive about themselves. Never flatter. If you can't say something positive about other people in the now, find something else to comment on. Then, later, reflect on what you saw and what happened, and define what you COULD have said. Then, make a mental, or written note of that for a later meeting, should one happen.
What would you like to hear.
If you were making an effort to provide a service to someone else and/or making an effort to visit them and offer them encouragement, what would bring happiness and joy to you? Not likely a litany of THEIR problems, nor, complaints about why you don't come to them more often, nor, how terrible you look, nor, how bad the weather or economy is. They can hear all of those responses from other meaner, less grateful, and more selfish persons. You are going to Choose to reflect the Special Person YOU are. You are going to look for and listen for what is Positive, in YOUR perception, about THEM, and tell them. Their experience of YOU will be Positive and they will look forward to seeing you again.
Adoption.
When we take responsibility for another person, we adopt them.
This adoption may be at the request of someone else, or even the adoptee. It may be an offer of service by us. It may be an assumption of responsibility or service which is never stimulated though seems apparent by how we interact with and around another person. It may be for an hour, a day, a month, a year, even a lifetime.
There are a few characteristics which may not be clear to the participants. It is NOT a reciprocal relationship. It is not c-dependency. It is not one of debt, or obligation. All of these characteristics may be assumed by one or other party, yet, few are inherently a part of adoption.
A sick person may adopt a caregiver.
It can begin quite innocently with the ill person requesting help from the more directed one. If the sick person receives attention and likes the manner of assistance, they may request that the person returns and repeats their contribution again, perhaps on a regular basis. If the person being asked agrees, they may agree with an assumption that the duration will be as short as a few days or a few weeks.
They may find it invasive and demanding on them if the pattern continues for months. If one is ill or disabled, it is best to be aware of the responsibilities which we encourage others to take over from us, for us. If you ask another person to take over your life, they may not wish to surrender it if you become well. They may not wish to continue ownership of it when their own life beckons them with greater benefits.
A motherly, or, an emotionally needy person may adopt an ill person to feel more valued and important as well as to feel good about helping others. If the adopting person is not obsessive about attachment and abandonment, they will be pleased to encourage independence and Recovery in the ill person. The opposite is also true.
Persons with CFS-ME will often require considerable assistance on a day-by-day basis if they are going to afford any degree of quality of life. It is often positive for all concerned if many people can contribute a little time or resources on a somewhat regular basis than if one or a few people try to provide all of the assistance that a person would like.
Affinity.
People who share a lot of experience, skills, education, or personality traits often feel an attraction to each other and a peacefulness. If you have CFS-ME, persons with whom you have an affinity will often quickly disappear because you can no longer share your activities and interests with them. Even on an intellectual, emotional, or physical level .. you will likely find it difficult to maintain ANY degree of participation before making them feel that they are wasting time and you are diminishing before their eyes.
This can ellicit a form of grief from them which many people find themselves unable and unwilling to express, or even unprepared and unaware to cope with. No one wants to consider you dead or dying, though in many ways the reality is suggesting this to be true. And when you appear to almost die many times, people may become emotionally tired of preparing for a loss that never arrives. We are not very good at maintaining an association with someone or something which is neither fully present, or, fully absent.
Loneliness encourages depression and despair.
It is often easy to entertain new relationships at such times. They promise to bring activity where there is none; attention, where there is little, and presence, where such is wanting. At this point, the only persons who share much of anything with you are other people who have CFS-ME. With the longest term concern being one's own health, and one's longest-term recent experience being one's own health, topics for conversation frequently focus on .. one's own health.
The danger which always is raised here is that there is little attempt, or opportunity, to bring other subjects into the conversation beyond one's personal health. The reality is that few persons with CFS-ME have the skills or resources to condust their own research that would be relevant. Soon, each person spends their day in the company of another, each talking, largely to themselves, about themselves. Each time the rehearsal is expressed, the person involved is reinforcing all of the negative influences which are keeping them unwell.
Adulation.
Praise is something which persons with CFS-ME seldom hear.
Few people want to know about something which others are sharing, yet, they are excluded from. With CFS-ME, it is difficult not to have a perception of health, happiness, togetherness, sexuality, employment, finances, optimism, freedom as being lost and held apart from one.
Many people tend to react in anger and vengeance towards expressive and passionate individuals and groups from which they are unable to share in. Those visitors, passersby, friends, and strangers usually mean nothing negative towards the person with CFS-ME. If they misunderstand what the Package of illnesses is, and most do, they sincerely WANT you to join in with them. It is this ignorance and pride which can burn the emotions of the person with CFS-ME. It can feel as if people are intentionally throwing in your face that you SHOULD be like them, and that you are choosing to be aloof and alone for some reason which excludes THEM.
Feel where you want to be.
Not an easy task for a person with CFS-ME.
If you don't focus on where you are going, you will never get there.
This is made even more difficult when it may seem that you are not going anywhere and when everyone around you or in contact with you either states that the reality is that you will NEVER recover, or, that by doing something relatively simple, which you have possibly already tried, you will quickly recover.
This is made even more frustrating when they assert that they KNOW where you are at because THEY have had what YOU have and they Recovered, EASILY. That perception is often based on no diagnosis, no in-depth awareness of what you have done or experienced, and no relevancy of how THEIR Past health condition compares to YOURS. They are focusing on where THEY are now; not where YOU are now. Much of the time, they have never experienced the intensity, longevity, and complications of ill health which you have.
Again, feel where YOU want to be.
If you fail to find Hope, you will drown in despair.
Few individuals are going to be there to confidently encourage you. If you don't do it for yourself and what you have meant to others and what you can mean to others, don't expect others to. And, you can. STOP intellectualizing for it only show you errors, inadequacies, and fantasy. STOP being over-emotional for it only dramatizes what only you are an audience for and reinforces where you are not.
START affirming that God Loves YOU and wants the best for you that is available for you. Remember the best experiences you have had, no matter how small or short. If you have had them, you have proof that they are possible, for YOU. If you gained them by your own willpower, participation, and persistence ... consider what might be possible if you are working WITH God, and the sons and daughters of God. You can have adulation in the Reality that YOUR Recovery is possible, if you believe in it.
Abandonment.
There are many people who will NEVER understand what you have, what you are experiencing, and what are your capabilities. A PART of that is THEIR responsibility, for the preservation of their own health and that of those they are near or care about. Yet much of the possible understanding which others COULD have is distorted, diminished, negated, manipulated, and denied by the intellectual and political culture which surrounds them ... the same culture you grew up in, believed you were a member of, and may continue to assume you are part of.
To this point, in 2010, you are NOT of that culture.
You can find comfort in any of the growing mini-cultures and communities which have formed in response to particular protocols and understandings of CFS-ME. Be careful not to sell your soul for membership in limitation.
An openness, discernment, and involvement with known, developing, and yet to be discovered awarenesses about who we are as humans, where we came from, where we can go, and how we can get there .. will bridge your efforts to a successful resolution. You will never be abandoned, unless, you abandon yourself. Expressing negativity towards yourself, vengeance towards others, and hatred towards God is a confirmation that you have surrendered YOUR life, and the life of those in contact with you, to the forces of despair, depression, and fate.
YOU have an opportunity to bring something better into your life and that of others. It is by challenge that we change, whether the challenges originates within us or from outside. In that change we can become stronger and better. In that change, we can bring the world to a better place. Choose to be part of that WHOLE.
Aging.
Aging can mean many different things to many different people.
Fundamentally, aging means that life is continuing. What that continuing is composed of depends on what we do with that living. We each have talents, resources, a history, and opportunities. We may not easily be able to expand and perfect our strengths and skills, yet, we can plan to do so, prepare to do so, begin to do so.
Aging is about potential acted upon or lost.
Aging is about changing life from what it is to what we would like it to be. Aging demands respect. A failure to provide respect is an invitation for loss. How we live our life and with whom we share it provides an example to others of how they can improve their lives, or, why they can be thankful that their lives are better than what they see in ours.
What is the speed of YOUR aging?
Yes, we do not all age at the same rate.
We can speed our aging by adding risk, carelessness, selfishness, and violence to our life. We can worsen our attitude, behavior, and health and these will bring us towards death and disability faster than many others arrive. If we can do that, we can also improve our attitude, behavior, and health. By making these Choices, we will resist, avoid, and recover from any illnesses and disabilities faster than we would otherwise.
A close relationship is not always where we or someone else needs to be or is best to be. Can we care deeply for someone else when almost every minute we must struggle to stay alive? Sometimes, that struggle can take the form of a building and refinement towards a deeper commitment, a greater expression of love, a higher appreciation for all that is around us and is there simply because we are alive.
Physical bodies do weaken with inadequate use.
Used to extremes, tendons & ligaments can become stretched, or, torn.
Repairs & recovery from injuries are seldom complete.
Inappropriate exercising can yield unbalanced weight placement.
Irrelevant diet can add pounds of fat, rather than muscle.
Minimal exercise can result in lost tone and mass.
And, people with CFS-ME always have minimal exercise.
The longer one has CFS-ME, the more one physically ages.
Add 3 years of age for each year with CFS-ME.
Only by Recovery can you reduce your age.
Life is short when we have much that remains to be done.
Life travels more slowly when we are focused on today.
Without today, there is no tomorrow.
Without tomorrow, today is an end.
Remember the best of the Past.
Discern and move in the Present.
Receive the Future, as a gift.
2. Communication Sabotaging.
Relationships grow or falter in stability according to how effective the communication is, and remains, within it. As human culture has become larger and more fluid in location, so also has the nature of relationships changed in terms of the differences and complexities which are brought to relationships. Living in a small community with little or no travel to other areas did provide a context of shared language, norms, idioms, and expectations at one time.
While humans continue to assume the presence and expect the harmony of these similarities, they are seldom the reality amongst modern relationships formed in urban areas with easy access to education, media, and transportation. It is work to have to be constantly aware that simply because a person speaks the same language as yourself and shares a part of every day with you, that you should find it easy to communicate. It is that context of work which drives many people away from and out of modern intimate relationships.
The work can be made less difficult.
We often THINK that we have no Choice in the style and presence of any relationship we are in. We are socially conditioned to believe that certain specific relationship styles are easy realities. These are reinforced, diminished, denied, or distorted by the realities we experience, the media, and gossip. It is often the case that we humans need to make a decision on what we do NOT want first, before we can set a direction on what we DO want.
Where we are best advised to be careful is in avoiding making the error made so often by our friends, relatives, and ancestors .. of simply reacting to something we have perceived. Doing that is often setting a pattern in motion in which one extreme is replaced by another. If our children carry through on OUR pattern, and react, they will repeat the pattern of our parents, or grandparents. If we have chosen a non-relative to react to, we may even introduce a new toggle back-and-forth heritage relationship pattern!
We would like to think that we could find another person with whom we could have the harmony which we THINK our parents or grandparents had. The reality is that there are few couples in the world of today or yesterday who have lived that harmony without a considerable degree of sacrifice, or, restriction ... compared to the choices and options we have available to us today. Let us explore a few REAL relationships which I am aware of before we focus more on OUR present. They may not be of your heritage or experience, yet, similar instances exist in many heritages. Sometimes, a relationship may drift from one style to another. Names and relationships will be changed to afford the desired anonymity, where requested.
THE NINES
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The Passionate.
This relationship is composed of two persons who have strong beliefs and feelings about the same or different topics and subjects. Expressiveness can be highly emotional, strongly intellectual, or, a combination and fluctuation between the two, with each party not always sharing the form of current expressiveness. THAT can be intense and stress filled if one party is highly animated with emotions about a subject while the other one is highly commited to an intellectual perspective on the same subject.
Communication, at times, can prove almost impossible for emotions communicate best with emotions and intellect communicates best with intellect, whereas intellect and emotion do not work well together. There can be a high degree of respect between the two, yet, it may prove unavoidable for noisy discussions and heated disagreements to develop. Such a couple have the capacity to be more aware, informed, and experienced in more areas than all other styles.
You are imprinted by consistent patterns that you are exposed to.
Passionate persons have often been birthed with strong Basic Personalities.
Imprinting is added from the behaviors you experience within your family.
It may extend to the behaviors you experience with peers.
Energy blocks may overlay and reverse this style.
Energy blocks are the human way of preventing Intense Stress.
You may learn to disconnect from these with Ritual & Chanting.
You may learn to modify your imprinting with Affirmations.
You may release your energy blocks and find Choice.
We were fortunate.
My wife and I both have Strengths of Passion.
We also have Basic Personality factors of Spirituality.
By the time we were Spiritually Guided to meet in our lives, we had reached made God, our passion. That means that we were open to the Results of using Accurate Spiritual Guidance, appreciate such a skill, and made the sometimes considerable effort to learn and refine our skills in this area. I had founded the Balancing Therapy, which relies heavily on the use of Spiritual Guidance, and had seen the success of it for over a decade.
My new wife-to-be was willing to focus her passion on this direction also. We married because we believed in the same God, in the Spiritual Guidance which came from that God, and because that Guidance was for us to marry. Following and understanding the Guidance one receives when there are many relationship and personality differences IS a challenge. Without this shared passion, neither of us would have survived. Without it, NONE of this work would be here for you to benefit from. We were Gifts from God to each other, though sometimes, it seemed like a curse!
A Passionate relationship will be challenged by CFS-ME.
First, the intense behaviors will rob you of energy.
Second, the immune TH1 interactions will aggravate.
Separation or divorce are better choices than suicide/murder.
You either GROW and Change your style, or, you die.
Your death may be in seclusion and obstinacy.
You now know that you have Choices.
Choose Life, Health, and, Love.
BOTTOM LINE.
In the "Passionate" relationship, if you are the only one with CFS-ME, you may find that your partner becomes obsessed with your Recovery. Without the information presented on these pages, they will constantly become irritated, agitated, elated, depressed, and distracted. It may even seem that they have become manic-depressive, until they burnout.
With CFS-ME, there are simply too many areas of deception and irrelevancy for most individuals to navigate. At worst, you and your partner will become angry and aggressive towards seemingly everyone you come in contact with about CFS-ME, because they all seem to be either ignorant, over-optimistic, or totally deceptive. If you can calm yourselves and encourage a Spiritual Focus for BOTH of you, a great opportunity may be available.
Your relationship can always be transformed to something more positive than it ever was, which would enhance your Recovery effectiveness and timeliness. This possibility is frequently considered by this style. Relationship enhancement would involve couples therapy with some form of practice which demands humility, openness, and participation.
This style will invite and utilize such possibilities depending upon the emotional and spiritual maturity of each. If you have not looked to God previously, make the effort NOW. You NEED a common INTEREST for your passions which cannot be diminished or removed by the symptoms of CFS-ME, and that, leaves little beyond the spiritual.
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The Violent
Some relationships have individuals who have come together, and stayed together, as an extension of codependent energy block or imprinted patterns. Regardless of the question: "Do I stay or do I go?" there is an automatic "Stay!" There are many potential supporting factors. Authoritarian religious beliefs, putting the LAW before the CONTEXT often suggest that an abused spouse remain with their abuser, to death. Social identity membership constraints have indicated, through performance and gossip, that if a couple do not remain together, BOTH, will be shunned, excluded, and penalized by the community.
Persons who have low self-esteem, and, are fear or security motivated, and have a low level of emotional maturity (any combination or singular factor) are not likely to leave a violent relationship. Although less of a factor today, in rural areas, pioneering environments, and with shy individuals, there many also be a perspective that there are few choices for partners and that a partner in place is better than no partner, against the challenges.
Relationships in which there was considerable argument, and forceful interaction approaching and including physical blows, typified those of BOTH of my grandparents (paternal and maternal). On the maternal side, my grandfather liked to show appreciation for women on the few social occasions that were attended in their rural environment. His wife, with him all the rest of the time, was easily enraged to jealousy after providing him with many children, having seldom contact informally with other women, and, attending to his needs during his annual bouts of bronchitis and other ailments.
My maternal grandmother was a sturdy and strong woman.
Her partner was thin and shorter. She likely helped with the farm labor often in addition to maintaining the household and raising the children. Both had, and encouraged each other to develop more, energy blocks. They developed a predictable dynamic of disrespect and intolerance, built on distrust and selfishness. They entered marriage with and under the social and religious expectations of a pioneering colonial community.
My grandparents had less opportunity for socializing, education, and exposure to good parenting than either of their own parents had. Their own parents had grown up in England or Ireland, surrounded by long established communities and with structured education. They had immigrated to remote Canadian lands to clear and farm and bear children. The days were filled with labor to the point of fatigue, for themselves and their children.
Social skills of sharing, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, and compassion are all easy to lose and difficult to express when one is fatigued, and, when one's own parents are the only examples to learn from. Fatigue and immaturity and desperation encourage violence. Neither of my parents, nor their brothers and sisters, escaped the wrath of their parents. They likely heard often that THEY were the cause of it. Most of them would have few or no children, by choice.
Emotionally and physically loud and dynamic, were my grandparents on the paternal side. While they likely never came to physical blows, they had little positive to say about each other, their children, or, anyone else. As was often the experience of their time, they lived as poverty dominated rural homesteaders and pioneers in Canada, the first generation in their heritage to be born in Canada.
Life was physically demanding, and the shocks and challenges of their settler parents impacted them. The majority of their many brothers and sisters had died of pandemic illnesses before reaching maturity, and often before age 4. They had two children: labor for the farm. As was typical of their era, there was minimal mass media during the prime of their lives. Wars, economic depression, and work comprised their memories and experience.
You are imprinted by consistent patterns that you are exposed to.
It begins with the behaviors you experience within your family.
It may extend to the behaviors you experience with peers.
Energy blocks may overlay and reverse these style.
Energy blocks are a way of preventing Intense Stress.
You may learn to disconnect from these with Ritual & Chanting.
You may learn to modify your imprinting with Affirmations.
You may release your energy blocks and find Choice.
A Violent relationship will NOT survive CFS-ME.
First, the intense behaviors will rob you of energy.
Second, the immune TH1 interactions will aggravate.
Separation or divorce are better choices than suicide/murder.
You either GROW and Change your style, or, you die.
Your death may be in seclusion and obstinacy.
You now know that you have Choices.
Choose Life, Health, and, Love.
BOTTOM LINE.
In the "Violent" relationship, if you are the only one with CFS-ME, you will likely be made the Cause for ALL the failures your partner experiences and all of their fears, disappointments, and sense of unhappiness and loneliness. That may mean physical or emotional abuse, and will certainly include spiritual abuse. If you DO Recover in the first 6 months, you will never forget the threats, blows, and abandonment you have received. If you are afflicted longer, THEIR continual aggressiveness can possibly drown you with imposed fear, despair, depression, and isolation.
Your relationship can always be transformed to something more positive, which would enhance your Recovery effectiveness and timeliness. Yet, this possibility is almost impossible for this style. Relationship enhancement would involve couples therapy with some form of practice which demands humility, openness, and participation. This style has participants who are emotionally immature and often carrying many energy blocks and some intense destructive imprinting. Get out, as quietly as possible. Recover.
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The Contained.
The legacy of the Violent relationship can be The Contained.
Both of my parents, having been present and viewing the dynamic of the Violent relationship, commited first, to never have any children. This was to remove the burden, excuse, and destination that the violence of their parents had derived from. This commitment fell apart when a well-intentioned doctor of the times, when mother was in her mid-30s and experiencing anxiety and depression, mandated a remedy of "children".
With the first commitment dismantled, my parents then made a second commitment, which they maintained to their deaths: "Never to have an argument or disagreement or express anger in front of the children". There were no avenues for learning the constructive use of anger in that era, for them. Better to not express than to express destructively. Yet such emotional constraints did reduce much of the wealth of experience and sharing which each could have experienced. They took the EXTREMES of their parents and reacted to portray the Opposite EXTREME in their own relationship.
A difficulty with extremes is that they encourage extremes.
Persons born into The Violent often mirror this relationship when they become adults, or, The Contained. Either of these is the easier route than other alternatives. Most people opt for the easier ways. The tools and opportunities required for personal advancement in coping skills and personal maturity, as well as communication development and attitude reframing have largely only been refound in North America and Europe since 1970, and more recent or yet to be re-discovered in other locales.
I was fortunate to seek out, find and contribute to these in my growth and not repeat either of the above extremes. If they apply to you, I wish you every success in doing so also. The information on these pages can help you do that for part of the way. Such CHOICES are now acceptable within many communities and cultures. Not many decades ago, they were considered taboo, heretical, and weird.
You are imprinted by consistent patterns that you are exposed to.
Most people are born with weak or moderate strength Personalities.
You are attracted towards what works with the least challenge.
Imprinting behaviors you lightly adopt within your family.
They extend to the behaviors you experience with peers.
Energy blocks are inherited by most and contribute.
Energy blocks are the human way of preventing Intense Stress.
You may learn to disconnect from these with Denial & Distraction.
You may release your energy blocks and find Choice.
A Contained relationship will NOT survive CFS-ME.
First, the loose commitments will encourage abandonment.
Second, the immune TH1 interactions will demand passivity.
There will be a confidence in authorities who misdirect.
You will Avoid Growth & Change. You are already a Zombie.
Zombies are dead, have given up, resigned, finished.
You now know that you may have Choices.
You could Choose Life, Health, and, Love.
Do YOU care enough to help yourself?
BOTTOM LINE.
In the "Contained" relationship, if you are the only one with CFS-ME, you will likely find yourself more and more avoided and abandoned. Persons in the "Contained"style of relationship suppress their awareness of themselves and each other as well as the world around them They CAN make attempts to be sympathetic, yet YOU will have to guide them through every step of THEIR involvement in YOUR recovery. They cannot be empathetic, for they would never have survived CFS-ME by themselves, before, and, they cannot imagine the reality of where you are. They don't intend harm. They simply take their cues from others.
As YOU are an equal partner in this relationship, it may be difficult for YOU to not feel responsible for all of the constraints which CFS-ME is imposing on your relationship, and by association, on your partner. If there is a clinic or retreat environment that would be relevant for YOU and which you and your partner can afford, that is best to be considered as a primary option. You will unlikely Recover alone. If you continue to work together and strengthen your emotional and spiritual bonds, the health of both of you will strengthen to meet future challenges.
Your relationship can always be transformed to something more positive, which would enhance your Recovery effectiveness and timeliness. This possibility is high in potential for this style. Relationship enhancement would involve couples therapy with some form of practice which demands humility, openness, and participation. You are likely already utilizing these elements, albeit, not visibly in public or in front of your children. You can only succeed here if you commit yourselves to each other as persons who are Loved by God and who can do together whatever can be done, with the Guidance you can ask for from God.
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The Abandoned.
You cannot be abandoned by someone who has never made a commitment to you, or whom you have assumed a commitment with, or, which society tells you there is a commitment with. Read that carefully for ideally, commitments are made between people who BOTH understand a significant meaning and relationship style. The Reality is that commitments are seldom this direct, simple, or intended.
You can, and likely have been, abandoned by persons through your experiences. Good friends may drift apart. Close associates may take new directions. You may choose to change your vocation, location, social group, or spouse ... and any of these changes can make commitments to other people who are associated with these factors, more difficult. You may choose to maintain, encourage, respond, drift apart, or, reject those affiliated persons. Chances are that YOU have not noticed others who wanted to, or felt they had, some form of commitment to you, and YOU have left them.
Abandonment is about rejecting, drifting apart, or, reacting.
One of my uncles sustained a leg injury when he was 8 years old.
The injured leg healed, yet, never grew any longer, like the other.
As he grew, a metal lift was made for the foot of the short leg.
Eventually, he reached his mature height and the lift stabilized.
It ended up being almost a foot long to enable the foot of the short leg to balance him on the ground.
Dorothy met Jack and fell in love with caring for him.
They married and moved to a farm, like their parents had.
Throughout their marriage they never had children.
Jack proved enough of a burden for himself and his wife.
Dorothy did all of the housework and much barn work.
Soon after they retired, Dorothy died of cancer.
Jack had good health, yet few interests.
After 60 years of life, he cared for no one but himself.
He waited for family and neighbors to drop by for him.
He was sorrow filled that Dorothy had left him.
He made no food or hot drink. He had never needed to.
He could not boil water or prepare frozen peas.
He continued to abandon himself,
as Dorothy had abandoned herself for him.
Had Jack or Dorothy ever acquired CFS-ME, neither would have survived. Each would have died differently, yet, each would have quietly sank into death. Their relatives would have been shocked, IF, they were made aware of the extend and acuteness of their CFS-ME symptoms. The likelihood is high that no one would have heard anything. The doctors would have routinely passed them off as old, childless, hypochondriacs. Dorothy would have devoted ALL her energies to continue caring for Jack, an extra 20%. Jack, would have given nothing for Dorothy, except, perhaps, tears. Neither acquired CFS-ME. Dorothy died of cancer. Jack died of loneliness. No one would tolerate his absolute self-abandonment.
BOTTOM LINE.
In the "Abandoned" relationship, if you are the only one with CFS-ME, you will likely NOT Recover! This is a tragedy, yet, if you do not believe in yourself and your worth to the world, you will not make any sincere effort to understand what you have, what your options are, and how best to make strides towards the freedom and loving participation which true health is. If you simply accept all of the readily available negativity which many others offer, you will let THEM smother you.
If the principal actor in your abandonment relationship is your partner, it will be no surprise that they will leave you before your diagnosis is complete. They are there for the good times, and for YOUR caring about and for them. They have long since abandoned THEIR ability to take care of and be kind to themselves. If you cannot continue in this role, they will seek someone else whom they can offer rescue to, and feel important about, or, someone they can bring the power of pride to by allowing they themselves to be "rescued", from YOU.
Person with acute (obvious) addictions frequently CHOOSE relationships which are focused on Abandonment. They abandon themselves and refuse, often with Pride or Vengeance, to Grieve the Pain which they have felt from others, or, the Shame which they have earned. Often unconsciously, they rehearse constantly how some tragedy in the Past could have, should have, would have .. been different, and more positive, IF, they, or someone else had acted differently or said something different than the Reality.
Intellectualization will never Forgive you for a Past error.
Neither will it successfully manipulate someone else to Forgive you.
Neither will it enable YOU to sincerely offer forgiveness to another.
Neither will it remove the hatred and vengeance you feel for yourself, or, someone else. Thinking will distract you from violent action and from childish outbursts. Addictions will betray that YOU continue to be a prisoner of YOUR intellect making excuses for the energy block patterns your Reptilian Structure has constructed to safeguard you from associated possible trauma.
Ways to Recover from Addictive Abandonment patterns include Balancing Therapy, and few other energetic and homeopthic therapies practiced by uniquely gifted persons who employ skills beyond their formal training. More accessible is the daily devotional use of chanting ritual, prayers, spiritual readings, affirmations, and, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). These can be remedial, and, in unique cases, releasing and corrective.
Persons who feel, seek, and DO abandonment can change.
Few accept the challenge to Risk being Free.
Without that Freedom, you can never truly Share.
That leaves YOU looking for another Owner ...
so you can remain the Sorry Slave.
And, that means .. No Recovery.
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The Accepted.
There are individuals who enter relationships and learn to maintain harmony through restraint. I was praising a fellow once for his reaching his 26th wedding anniversary when he responded that he did not believe there was any secret to the achievement. The reality, for he and his wife, he confided, was that each of them had simply learned which subject, phrases, activities, and preferences frustrated, irritated, annoyed, or, angered their partner. As they learned about each of these from the responses of their partner, each had made a self-commitment NEVER to engage these again. He wasn't confident that this was necessarily the better approach, simply something that had worked out for them.
Raising Boundaries can limit conflict.
The greater the span of boundaries and the harder they are, the more restricted and predictable the dynamics of the relationship.
Eventually, an "Accepted" relationship reaches a point of ever deepening minimalization of life. The participants know they can converse about several subjects, yet, discussion of others demands that one find someone outside the relationship to have that experience. This is also true of some favored activities, hobbies, and concerts.
Ritual relationships offer security.
Members in this style of relationship are pleased that the times they DO share are pleasant. Often, as the years progress, each develops strong friendships outside their relationship. Also, their interactions tend to become quite routine and ritual. Everything is as they prefer, although, many areas of interest fall into denial or avoidance through a fear of conflict. The more one becomes accustomed to no awareness of or negotiation about individual traits, the more one becomes co-dependent. This can introduce a paradox between reality and fantasy.
Fantasy can add excitement and creativity.
Lost in the predictability of the "Accepted" relationship, a member may seek Ego expression through real or fantasy alternates. The individual is often committed to remaining in their main relationship for they are also aware that in few other relationships would they experience all of the Calm and Constructed Harmony they have with the potential and real conflict complications they have come to fear. External identity focal points can be entertained in the short-term, yet, addiction to them, or, reverse dependency by the Fun portrayer, can raise risk to the point of hazard.
Dishonesty and manipulation are often the basis of the "Accepted". Each member is dishonest about their feelings and beliefs, in part. They each shelter their partner from differences which can encourage and continue emotional and intellectual growth in both. At some point, each will become aware of, be made aware of, or aggressively enter a denial of .. the fantasy of a freedom to be oneself, without constraints, apologies, and fear.
External-Commitment relationships may form.
Participants may use the following to Minimize their involvement with their spouse, or, to add "life" to a lifestyle which feels neutralized by their main relationship. Dependencies may be invited towards one's children, one's peer group, any of the activities and involvements of either of these, one's associates in business or socially, sexual or romantic participation, and/or preoccupation with movies, music, pornography, artistic endeavors, television serials, volunteer work, exercise, weight gain. These can each become a mistress or gigilo, in person or in fantasy. If any of these activities become more pleasurable and rewarding than the core relationship, it will be doomed to increasing unhappiness and ritual.
The Role Dominated relationship is another common variety of the Accepted form of relationship. If one is a member of a conservative or traditional culture, religion, family, or race ... the gender ROLES which each are Expected to follow by the other members can be highly defined.
BOTTOM LINE.
In the "Accepted" relationship, if you are the only one with CFS-ME, you will likely be well sympathized with. Your partner may remain with you for the duration and assist you with getting dressed, having something to eat, being quiet, washing and massaging you. After the first few appointments that you have with doctors, health facilitators, or therapists, they will likely back away from further involvements in those directions. They may FEEL strongly sad, angry, or frustrated with those results. An inner conflict will grow of wanting to express these emotions, yet, not wanting to bring despair, or a mirroring of the emotions in YOU, the CFS-ME patient.
Acceptance of and support for the status quo norm will be a strong desire of the participant in the "Accepted" relationship This strong desire will often come into conflict with the Reality of YOUR version of CFS-ME and the too often misunderstandings of ignorant and proud authority figures who carry state empowered degrees and association empowered fees and high wages. How can YOUR spouse question and contradict these authorities. And, what can they feel of YOU, when the Authorities describe YOU to your spouse as a weak willed hypochondriac?
Your relationship can always be transformed to something more positive, which would enhance your Recovery effectiveness and timeliness. This possibility is difficult to consider by participants of this style. Relationship enhancement would involve couples therapy with some form of practice which demands humility, openness, and participation. This style usually has often adopted the pride of the status quo, avoided the openness which betrays individuality, and, sacrificed interpersonal trust, for the trust of external authorities. Changing THIS form of relationship is like asking the participants to share a nervous breakdown so that one or both can Recover into a new reality.
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The Absent.
In the "Absent" relationship, one of the participants is away most of the time. This form of relationship has been encouraged from the advent of so-called civilization. Beginning with agriculture, it was customary for the males to be working in the fields for most of the day, every day. The women customarily remained near the residence to look after the children, prepare the meals, and look after any arts which were best done at such a location.
Segregation limits sharing.
Wars customarily segregated men apart from their homes for longer durations. With the advent of industry, both adult males and children were often away from their homes for the majority of the day. Economically dependent persons have always been promised, by the state, that they could buy the freedom to sustain themselves and afford some of their preferences in return for involvement in a political economic system.
The upper crust may be a shell that gleams.
Singular cultures and some groups segregated by education, privilege, ancestory, or determination ... have mandated or encouraged that their members remain out of long-term committed relationships until they have a strong degree of financial independence, or, career dominance. This has often been further defined by conservative religious beliefs and spiritual interpretations. demanding singular lifetime unions, and, virgin women.
Service occupations often require relationship absenteeism.
In many travel dominated occupations, including sales, transportation (air, shipping, trains, trucking), and politics ... the employed person may be expected or required to be away from home 20 out of every 30 days. Advanced technical or academic training and education may require students to live at a distance from their families for 6 weeks to 9 months of the year. This is to be followed, often, by a committment to an employer which involves long daily hours of work with sometimes unplanned evening and weekend work required on short notice.
Higher risk or higher stress occupations, including medical specialization, private and institutional policing, and any other work that is done with rotating 12 hour shifts, also contributes to a reality of two individuals sharing one or more spaces, who sometimes exchange personal experiences and intimacies. These lifestyles encourage open relationships, emotional sacrifice, role dependency, and, distraction. A relationship which continually grows in shared experiences, self-awareness, negotiation and understanding for someone else, intimate trust and openness, and integrity of faith ... is always challenged.
BOTTOM LINE.
In the "Absent" relationship, if you are the only one with CFS-ME, you will NOT likely recover. If you BOTH acquire CFS-ME, your relationship will likely end quickly. This may be partly because you are now "stuck" with each other 24-7-365 when previously you were with each other 1/10th of this time, or less. CFS-ME is a Package of Illnesses, the Recovery from which requires a Team effort. Persons in the "Absent" relationship have usually developed their independence and will find it difficult to cope without it. The Reality is that while one can make progress towards Recovery on a solitary basis, there will be considerable restrictions unless one has unlimited resources.
You will not likely receive any disparaging comments about your deficiencies, as a CFS-ME sufferer from your "Absent" partner, UNLESS, your loss of involvement demands their considerable involvement. THEIR involvement in what YOU were doing will mean a considerable change in their focus and integrity. They may have to drastically reduce their vocational hours in substitute for what has been YOUR parenting hours, or, the reverse exchange.
Drastic changes in service dependability are seldom tolerated.
Making such a change will often jeopardize the career and income of the vocational participant. Support persons can be hired, from savings, and your previous economic worth will be quickly established. Adversely, if one or both of the income earners acquires CFS-ME, the savings and goodwill of your relationship will be well strained.
Your relationship can always be transformed to something more positive, which would enhance your Recovery effectiveness and timeliness. This possibility is both highly possible, and, highly unlikely, with this style. Relationship enhancement would involve couples therapy with some form of practice which demands humility, openness, and participation. This style usually avoids, denies, or rejects these elements. With an almost nervous breakdown epiphany, huge changes can be introduced into the relationship which an add a greater breadth of sharing, respect, appreciation, and presence than previously.
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The Expected.
This couple come together with all of the expectations of their home cultures, parental attitudes, peer romanticism, gender norms, andera incentives. They are often of similar age and meet and share some form of social environment. They may meet at work, or in similar work situations, at university or a night school class, at a social club or bar, be introduced by common friends, or, notice each other at a health fitness seminar, sports club, or beach. Often, they have something of a physical attraction in common and they treat each other with respect and acceptance, although this may be for different reasons.
Doing the Right Thing with the Right Person is a foundation for "The Expected". Later, those who know them will comment that they "look" good together, or, that they just knew that these two would "get together". Each must, to the degree afforded by geography and resources, be approved by the parents of their partner-to-be. Each, will court, marry, and begin a family according to expectations imprinted or imposed on them by their memories of the comments of their parents and relatives during earlier years.
There is a predictability of security and stability of relationship here. As long as the woman can birth children and maintain a household, she may do other work or be involved in other activities as she may choose. The man is expected to be the dominant wage earner. They often keep strict mealtimes, sleep times, worship times. There is little freedom beyond the borders of the roles expected. And, each role is so structured and co-dependent upon the other that there is little time left for personal preference, or, extended shared times.
There are many MUSTS that build these norms.
They may be musts of car and house ownership.
They may be musts of a certain number of children.
They may be musts of a desired income level and savings.
They may be musts of pets, memberships, cottage, boat.
They could also be musts of the activities their children choose.
Or, it could be which neighborhood, town, style of clothing.
As long as everything FITS, one feels Accepted.
BOTTOM LINE.
In the "Expected" relationship, if you are the only one with CFS-ME, you will likely feel that you are letting your family down by your being ill. They also, will be initially quite concerned for you. Depending upon their degree of emotional and spiritual maturity, which is rarely advanced, their concern for YOU may be more an unconscious concern for what they are missing by your not being there, and Doing, for THEM.
Reflection of Norms is often the only reality of which partners and children in the "Expected" relationship can function. If YOU as a person who has acquired CFS-ME is not responding to the positive recovery mandated by a conservative, uninformed, and proud physician, then, you DESERVE their negative diagnosis that you are not making an effort, have suddenly Chosen to become lazy, that you have acquired a mental illness of anxiety and paranoia, or, any other diagnosis that treats you as a Thing and not as a Person. You either get better or demand, or, you are abandoned.
You are unlikely, save by a miracle of finding a rogue and advanced physician or health facilitator, to Recover. Your partner and children are unlikely to research or look for solutions for you, because, it is not THEIR job or responsibility. They are also unlikely to introduce you to someone who IS knowledgeable, unless a CLOSE friend of theirs has had a recent CFS-ME experience AND Recovery, because those directions are NOT the norm.
You are likely best served by moving away from your family and friends, associates and lifestyle, and find someone whom YOU can share with and who can accept you as yourself and assist you to Recover. This option is seldom available. To do so will have you seen as abandoning a family, who have already abandoned you. You will seldom have the resources to make the move and to live independently, without an income, for what may extend into years of search and Recovery. But, if you can and do, you have a Chance.
Making a HUGE change is like having a nervous breakdown.
The world, as it was, is transformed into the world that IS.
It is only with such a Reality that you can find Recovery.
And that Hope can only be attained with Support.
Physical Support you must engineer by Choices.
Emotional Support is what you will offer your family, from a distance. Spiritual Support, you will hopefully encourage, build, sponsor. In the interim, even with occasional required urgent visits home, your Severe Illness symptoms will be ignored, denied, and minimized by all whom you Thought, were close. They are not trying to be mean or hurtful to you. THEIR reality is one of insensitivity, self-concern, selfishness, appearances, fitting in, being accepted, and recognized. Those are not factors of benefit to you, at this point.
A Dismal Choice.
If you have BOTH acquired CFS-ME within a short duration, you have both a high potential for Recovery, and, a dismal one. Chances are, you will choose, the Dismal. With the Dismal, you will both accept the prognosis of the common experts ... who tell you that you will Never get well. By accepting the Norm, you will both enter the restricted caste of the LOST. You will be pitied, at first; then, rejected; and finally, avoided. Yet, all will be as it Should be, and you will feel as if you have been struck down by the unfairness of Job's plague, for some evil or guilt of your own or by the mercy of someone else.
The Higher Potential direction will be a shocker, for you both.
You will accept the Reality that you have a Package of Illnesses.
You will likely reject all that many of your doctors tell you and that your friends and relatives impose on you. You will leave your job or role, before you are fired, laid off, or replaced. You will risk losing all your material possessions, your family relationships, your social memberships, your career stability, and your intellectual confidence, BEFORE they are taken away from you. And in the end, you will retain and regain whatever was of true worth. The information shared here can assist you towards that success.
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The Abused.
There is a relationship style in which one participant Must have CONTROL, or, Domination, and one is willing to be dominated, often out of some sense of Security. The Passive partner may be afraid that they will be threatened or beaten physically if they fail to defer. More often, they fear the risk of having to participate in a competitive marketplace where they believe you can never trust anyone to be sincere or honest. Better to be manipulated by one person whose patterns you are familiar with than by hords of people who may, or will, deceive and manipulate in ways you have yet to imagine.
Feeling Guilty is an option for unconsciously seeking and accepting unjustified penalty from another. It may be that if you are the abused person, you may be harboring some sense of real guilt together with a religious indoctrination that no amount of torture or penalty can be too much to atone for your act of error, or intention. There is no awareness nor acceptance of compassion, for immaturity; no forgiveness, for error; no grace for ignorance. Judged as the superhuman which you are not, you are guilty and deserve disrespect.
Feeling Fear is also an unconscious and conscious justification for accepting disrespect and hurtful treatment from others. If you lack friends, family, or associates who are capable of protecting you and working with you to build a healthful environment for yourself and some form of financial stability, you may feel left without options. Policing and social services officers and departments can work with you if you decide to trust them and their resources with more confidence than you hold of the power and ability of your partner to retaliate against you successfully.
An abuser may simply be an immature person who has acquired power and resources through heredity, or more often, by use of intellectual skills. They want to have their way with no complaints, no delays, no conflicts. They have no time for treating you as more than a thing, albeit a thing they profess love through physical or emotional dependency. They Believe that they are treating you best by providing you with THEIR form of protection and security, often one of isolation. They Believe that they are giving you what you want by Projecting YOUR wants to by their intellectualizations of your preferences for material things. Dare you object?
An abuser too often is the product of abuse.
Many abusers grow up with parents, teachers, priests, or peers who use their power to demean you, force themselves upon you, manipulate you into trouble, deceive you into self-hatred through toxic shame (Guilt), or, reward you for making fun or or hurting someone else, at their command. Power is enacted upon you for the benefit of someone else. The lesson: using power on someone less powerful, or, someone less aggressive ... brings YOU the benefit of getting whatever YOU want that THEY can provide. Your mother yells at you; you yell at your smaller brother; he kicks the dog. Now, he is older and bigger. Now, he strikes his partner to get the attention (love) he wants.
BOTTOM LINE.
In the "Abused" relationship, if you are the only one with CFS-ME, and you are the abused partner, get ready for much more abuse. Even if you wanted to attend to ALL of the desires of your controlling and demeaning partner, you can not. The spiritual abuse will soon take a greater toll upon you than any physical beating or emotional battering. Soon enough, you will yearn for an end, a death. And most likely, your spirit will tire and prepare to leave. Despair will feed depression. With no Hope or Willingness to seek Recovery and no resources or support to use relevant options, the Package of illnesses, called CFS-ME, will become more invasive like a cancer of negativity. If you don't get out, you will not survive.
Perhaps you are the Abuser, and, the only one to get CFS-ME.
This is unlikely since the abuser Acts Out all of their destructive stress either upon you, or, upon themselves with toxic addictions. They are more likely to be killed by you, or, by their cigarettes, booze, drugs, an accident, a more forceful adversary, overweight ... tha to sustain CFS-ME. If they DO acquire CFS-ME, you, whom they have abused will likely stay with them and comfort them until their promise of security proves to be a shame and their threats of harm prove to be fantasies. Perhaps then, you will leave them and try to transform your life into a balance. Worse, you will remain .. to show them what they have taught you in how to treat someone weaker than yourself.
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The Rejected.
You expect to be accepted, loved, and respected.
You marry, have children, maintain a household and provide an income or savings, yet, something is missing. Your partner Chooses to spend most of their private time apart from you. They don't talk with you to share their concerns, dreams, or feelings about you, themselves, or anyone. They avoid sexual intimacy with you and when such does occur, it is mechanical, functional, and short. There is no sensual expression from them to you; no words of encouragement, award, or thankfulness. They are distant. You feel rejected.
Vengeance is so easy when we are needy.
They won't give us attention, so we don't give them any.
They buy something for us that THEY want US to wear.
Never. It is the wrong style, color, size, ... just don't like.
Or, you lose it, give it away, misplace it, tear it, stain it.
Or, they have cooked your favorite stew or desert.
You don't want it! It is too sweet, sour, hot, whatever.
Whatever THEY do, it is wrong ... and they are Rejected.
Rejection can be felt through misunderstanding.
One person may decide what THEY Believe is best for Both.
Yet, they have not counselled their partner for consensus.
Imposition easily raises resentment in a Strong Individual.
With sharing and negotiation agreement could have been.
Now, there is animosity and sabotaging to assert individuality.
One person may work long hours of separation.
For them, it means increased security & comfort.
Their parter experiences it as Rejection; Avoidance.
The following material bribe confirms the guilt.
You did intend to avoid and reject me!
What also of the person who weds for Norm.
A man, he is expected to show virility with fertility.
Child after child, manliness is proven for acceptance.
Yet, the father has no attraction to women.
And with his unconscious fear, he must breed further.
The wife is overburdered by her brood.
They absorb all her energy, hope, and time.
Children she must allow or be Rejected by Church.
Yet children keep her from her partner's love.
The more she wants closeness, the more distance.
Her children are the cause of her Rejection.
She cannot conceive of the infidelity of Feelings.
Her anger towards her Rejecting husband transfers.
The children are withheld from love; anger is enough.
They pay the price of Rejection twice removed from Reality.
Even greater is the cost for the culture.
It's wars and financial turmoils have twisted genes.
And made some men into women, and, some in reverse.
Though true in physique, the heart is changed.
Anarchy encourages trauma, stress, rejection.
Now, rejection felt and unintended.
Becomes rejection intended.
Love denied, life deadened.
BOTTOM LINE.
In the "Rejected" relationship, if you are the only one with CFS-ME, you will likely be made the excuse for ALL the failures your partner experiences and all of their fears, disappointments, and sense of unhappiness and loneliness. If you DO Recover in the first 6 months, you will never hear the end of how YOU made THEIR life difficult. Your partner will either quickly leave, feel inward guilt for their twisted loyalties, or, slave for you to affirm their innocence. With so many distortions and distractions, they may assist, or, sabotage your Recovery.
If both of you become afflicted with CFS-ME variations, you will likely hate each other into the grave, resist Recovery AND death for as long as you can be miserable to each other, or, find some form of relevant Recovery protocol for one or both of you, just to spite the other person. You will expect gratitude, peace, calm, and love for your success. Yet, you really know that is fantasy.
Your relationship can always be transformed to something more positive, which would enhance your Recovery effectiveness and timeliness. This possibility is seldom considered by this style. Relationship enhancement would involve couples therapy with some form of practice which demands humility, openness, and participation. This style usually avoids, denies, or rejects these elements. The parties involved so greatly have wanted all of these characteristics, yet, with misunderstanding, each have sabotaged the foundation of their relationship A fantasy has been denied and replaced with a worse reality.
Age:
There is the old joke, and the reality, that the older we become, the more often everyone we meet seems to resemble someone we already know. For the younger person, every new experience is a new discovery, a new opportunity. There are activities and experiences in life which are of a repetitive nature. Others, only have a limited number of safe and relevant variations. Still others are limited in variety by degrees of effectiveness, sustainable durations, and cost efficiencies.
How a relationship grows and is sustained depends a lot on the Basic Personality boundaries involved. These can be encouraged, or restrained, by the era one is born into, the nationality of one's heritage, the religious and education systems founding one's values and expectations, and, the dynamics within the relationship.
Age is our NOW
Age is where we are in our history relative to our Past and our Future. It is an indicator of where we are Now and how far we have come from our Beginning and how much we have learned, done, and participated in since our Beginning. It is a Step on our way to where we are going and where we would like to go, and where we will go. It is an indicator, not an absolute. It does not define how much we can do or how far we can go. It simply indicates how efficient, effective, aware, and joining in we have been to this point. We can Choose to vary our degree of involvement, our style of involvement, our purpose for involvement.
OUR age will be compared, by us and others, to the physical age of others, simply because we assign a number to it, based upon time constructs of days and years, which we have arbitrarily constructed. The names, lengths, and presence of these terms of time have varied through the history of the Earth in its reality of the speed of its spin, the angle and length of its orbit, and the density of its mass.
The names, lengths, and presence of terms like months, and years, humans have culturally associated and modified according to religious beliefs and political intents. We often engage these concepts as if they are stable and unchanging. Yet, they can change, and, we have a Choice as to how intently we identify with them and how finitely we use them to motivate us and add the stability of ritual to our lives.
If we allow age to control us, we invite loss.
We add priority and urgency and responsibility to our activities.
This can allow others to share in and direct what age we are at and how we act in lieu of such an age. CFS-ME changes our age. It trashes our ability to plan and our plans for involvement. It shortens our days and eliminates hours. It modifies our alignment of activities with time steps and visual lighting cues. It defines a new perception and reality of time for us. If we focus on what TIME has meant to us, we allow time to demean us, control us, and frustrate our communication and the relationships we have. We ARE human and we are within a political state and a social reality. Still, we DO have the opportunity to Change OUR concept of time to be Relevant for OUR reality.
We can Control our Concept of TIME.
We can stipulate and accept that our hours will be 15 ninutes in length.
We can live our days with the acceptance that they are 8 hours long; not 24.
Until we Recover we will have few options for interaction with others.
If we PUSH those interactions with frustration and desperation, we fail. We will never succeed at squeezing 24 hours into 8, without destruction. Much better that we remain calm and directed, and do more with less. If we HAVE the Package of illnesses, termed CFS-ME, most other people do NOT share our reality nor we, theirs.
We can set and adjust our concept of AGE daily.
It is a CONCEPT, not an absolute imposed upon us.
It will return to a near absolute WHEN we Recovery.
When we can dependably govern our energy and activities, we will join in again with a lifestyle which includes work, socializing, intimacy, personal pursuits, political involvements, and ecological concerns. To regain that Freedom, we are best to assert a context of freedom within the reality we have. Stop dramatizing, and allowing others to dramatize, the AGE you are at. By living at your temporary age of Pause, you can gain an age of Gain.
PAUSE
- Plan
- Adjust
- Understand
- Safeguard
- Evaluate
GAIN
- Going
- Alive
- Involvement
- New experiences
Gender:
Much is made in many cultures about the alternate ways in which different genders experience life. Much is cultural myth composed and extended and reinforced with imposing expectations and penalities which invite belief and collusion. It takes a very strong Basic Personality, a personality with a strength of Individualizm, or, a person with energy blocks and/or imprinting that promotes Rebellion and Reaction to choose behaviors and beliefs which conflict with the norm. Here are a few general (not for everyone), known, boundaries which we are wise to be sensitive to.
MALE
- Testosterone is higher:
-- increased activity, muscle mass, libido, aggression.
- Emotional growth is slower.
-- enhanced by activities of competition and by mothering.
- Body framework of strength & speed.
- Genitalia of insertion/giving/imposing.
FEMALE
- Estrogen is higher:
-- cycles of blood loss, fertility, TH1 reaction, less mass, calmer.
- Emotional growth is faster.
-- enhanced by activities of mothering & teamwork.
- Body framework of sensuality & nurturing.
- Genitalia of enveloping/receiving/accepting.
A minor hormonal difference is NOT the major difference.
Everything else is ADJUSTED by social and environmental reward and penalty. Roles have enabled both gender harmony, and, separation, since the creation of humanity. They frustrate the ideals of equality and togetherness when these principles are considered in the intellectual extreme and not in relation to the physical reality. Men cannot gestate, carry, or deliver babies. Seldom, yet in emergencies, they have suckled them. Yet, men can learn to comfort babies, play with them, wash and dress them, and, parent them. In some cultures men have almost no responsibility, encouragement, training, or involvement in these latter endeavors. In other cultures, there has been increasing demand for and encouragement and reward of men to do a large share of the nurturing role. The converse is also true for females.
Genders signify dramatic physical difference.
Part of that physical difference modifies biochemical thresholds.
Those biochemical thresholds impact emotional responsiveness.
The contributions of physical capability, need, thresholds, emotional responsiveness ... these all influence the resulting attitudes and psychology of humans and their genders. To provide a stabilized, predictable role of expectations and assumptions to each gender, each society .. through its religious, educational, and political trainings, adapts large groupings of humans into rituals of orderliness of behavior and interaction. The final cement to hold all this together is BELIEF.
The significance of Gender is mostly one of Belief.
The rational capability of humans is employed by those in power to condition, some might use the term "brainwash", the individual into inclusion in and support of the whole. Civilization is the managed outcome. It survives, or dies, according to the wisdom of the participants, mediated by their humility and pride. When the participants opt out of active membership in favor of self-interest, they encourage and allow self-interest in their leaders.
Extremes of Belief confine Outcome.
The self-interest of the Ego lives for today and the short-term; exploitation, greed, laziness, conflict, irrelevancy with the greater span of the world. Yet, the group-interest of the SuperEgo plans only for the longer-term; sacrifice, sharing, political effort, peace and passivity, and, a relevancy according to the span of the known human world.
Harmony is enabled through shared Spirituality.
Both extremes afford benefits, yet often become destructive. Harmony is only attained and maintained on a foundation of spiritual wisdom, or so human history repeated demonstrates. This is also indicated for harmonization of the individuation provided by the reality of Genders.
Hormones are often severely disrupted with CFS-ME.
It is not the hormonal simplistic exchange of gender.
It is always the immune and stress driving hormones.
These hormones moderate all the other dozens of catalysts.
Men often do experience more estrogen dominance and TH1 reaction.
Yet, women also experience added extremes of these & other imbalances.
Hormones are biological catalysts which ACTIVATE, or, RELAX.
With CFS-ME, there is more apprarent Relax-Depress-Weaken response.
These balances and threshold can be consciously moderated, until ...
With CFS-ME, one's setpoints have been reset.
One can only moderate to current setpoints.
What happens when Roles, become dysfunctional?
Persons with CFS-ME cannot function within Roles.
It is not a failure. It is a loss of capability. It is a reality.
With Recovery, this reality can be left behind.
Capabilities can return, and, abilities can expand.
This can justify and reward good relationships.
IF you BOTH make it through.
Role loss can, and often is, traumatic.
When the functional identity of the other person disappears,
what remains? What do YOU recognize? What do YOU provide?
If you have restrained your awareness to social performance ...
You either Grow emotionally and spiritually quickly NOW, or,
You LOSE!
The degree of YOUR Dependency will be highlighted.
Can you cook, launder, clean, nurture, shop, drive?
Can you design, assemble, finish, market, sell, deliver?
Can you hunt-search, think independently, innovate?
Can you be assertive, negotiate, learn, be aggressive?
Can you evaluate and discern best options, for anyone?
Can you love your mate and others, who cannot love back?
If you cannot, you are ill prepared and ill balanced.
These deficiencies of options may suffocate you.
Can YOU do enough, in a world undone?
Language:
The symbols of sound and script which we use to communicate with are referred to as language. There are major families of languages which share basics of vowels, characters, pictograms, and concepts. Within each family are dozens, at one time hundreds, of regional, local variations. The politics of commerce, education, marketing, and mass media have encouraged and demanded the simplification of these variations into accepted, expanding, assemblies of symbols.
The more we have added variation and requirement to our tasks, material surroundings, and expanded out community ... the larger our language has grown. We continue to add words and phrases to our communication in an attempt to provide discernment, accuracy, meaning, and harmony. Rationally, we BELIEVE that if we can speak clearly enough, all others will understand us.
We BELIEVE that if others understand us, they will agree with us, work with us, and be at peace with us. Much of our recorded human history betrays, even within its politically massaged message, that we as humans, have failed to sustain peace and harmony for any extended period. The degree of peaceful reality has been determined by population density, individual material sufficiency, mass media manipulation, technical availability, and, emotional and spiritual maturity of the community.
We have most often used our rationality and OUR word, to impose OUR feelings of insecurity, loss, desire, and hate .. on others, and, ourselves. So committed are we to the unquestioned foundations of language, that we tend to think with our mouths open, our ears shut, our feelings hyped, our bodies overworked, and, our minds distracted. Can we grow beyond the emotional reality of the 2 year old, maintain the openness and honesty of the 2-year old, expand the spiritual sensitivity of the 2-year old, and,
restrain the rational superstition of the 2-year old --- to enable language to accentuate our positives and provide a support for harmony?
Language encourages deception.
We apply common means to words, according to our use of them.
Others apply similar, projected, intensified, and broadened meanings.
What is the common meaning of a word to another may differ from ours.
Through artistic, theatrical, poetic, satirical, and marketing use ...
some words have even acquired contradictory meanings.
The English word "awful" originally meant "full of awe".
For the past century, its use has indicated "full of disgust".
Language encourages manipulation.
Those who have been abused, imposed upon, restrained ... have often learned from the insecurities and vengeance of their masters, that if they asked for what they did NOT want, they had a good potential to receive it. The aggressive, demanding, authoritative, and violent Physical responses they received were often the Opposite of what they asked for. They asked for Rest; they got more Work. They asked for Freedom; they became more enslaved. They learned. Ask for what you Don't want! Tell the Master what you do Not feel! Personal integrity was paid for with the price of interpersonal misunderstanding. Are you "hot" because you are "cool"? Do you say "Yes" when you mean "No"?
Language encourages discussion.
Persons who have stability, contentment, security, and sufficiency in their lives have little need for words or discussion. They can simply enjoy their surroundings, including the people. They can search, harvest, shelter, sun, play, share, express themselves sensually, and relax. Unfortunately, this form of existence requires an environment which is comfortable and abundant. Only 5% of the Earth could ever provide this Eden. For a million years or more, humans were able to live in such regions. Since, our population has ever expanded. Our densities have increased and our presence has invaded ever part of the globe. Much of the environment which was idyllic has been polluted, or destroyed. We have spawned discontent, anxiety, fear, insufficiency, and, complexity. To make some sense out of the result and fixate on the options left for us, individually and as a group, we NEED discussion. And that means words, and language.
Language encourages separation.
Without language, we may feel differently about a food or an event, yet we can express that satisfaction clearly, non-verbally, to another person, or few persons. We MUST work together to understand what each of us is trying to share. We MUST look at and be close to and be relating expression to feeling, if we are to understand. These elementary limitations never let us think that there is an option beyond TOGETHER. In the near pre-history times, to abandon a small group or go alone from a relationship was close to suicide, or, murder. Technology enabled us to extend our physical skills in their power, strength, and influence. Language was one of the first technologies. Words enable us to converse over longer distances, across cultural-sge-gender boundaries, and about issues not our own. They enable us to see ourselves as distant and separate from others.
What is Missing?!
In the above revelations, we have missed the reality that language has little order, power, acceptability, or validity, UNLESS, it is backed politically. Before there were NATIONS, there were hundreds of regional dialects within every language family. Every town and city produced its own idioms and words, relevant for the experiences of the region. Yet personalized vocalizations and pronunciation of syllables and words yielded more misunderstanding, conflict, frustration, and violence, than their intents. The Control of Empires predated Nations and introduced political power and wealth/poverty.
Language became an entry fee into the sharing of wealth and power. Nations increased the power of language by making it the entry fee to citizenship. Can you have an empire without colonies to subjugate? Can you have a nation without borders to exclude? Can you have a language with a capacity to express all of the FORMS of experience which billions of people have, in numbers of words which can be learned, without a lifetime of preparation? Relationships survived for hundreds of thousands of years with a vocabulary of 5000 words or less. Can they survive is a world of commerce and technology that demands a vocabulary of 500,000 words or more?
For a relationship to survive CFS-ME, the individuals involved are perhaps best to accept that, even if their native language and dialect of idioms is identical, supported by similar levels of education ... their communication will be difficult according to their reliance on the expectation that they CAN and DO communicate. When your occupation, livelihood, and social success have been rewarded by your Good communication skills and vocabularly, for decades, it WILL be illogical to consider that this vocabularly will fail you now. What you and your partner have likely NOT cultivated symbols of meaning about are the subtle and endless variations of feelings and realities of ill health. It is in this No-Person's world that you will find many words that are irrelevant, yet assumed, and, incorrect and limited, yet offered with confidence.
If I were to acquire CFS-ME ever again, I would impress upon myself daily, that most of what I was experiencing, and the real understanding of it, I would have to keep to myself and cope with in calm. If both myself and my partner were ever again to BOTH acquire variations of CFS-ME, I was set a baseline in the beginning of frequently responding with assertions, encouragment, and questions confirming what my partner thought I was communicating, and, what she was communicating. It would require extreme patience, and extreme humility, to communicate AS IF I was just beginning to learn a language I had spoken for a lifetime beyond 6 decades. Either communcation would be Slow, Calm, and Dumbed down, or, it would be wasteful and discordant .. until Recovery.
Imprinting:
Prepare for Greatness.
This section is long. Why? Because the content is seldom available elsewhere, and, because what you remain ignorant of will continue to confine your choices and frustrate your freedom. Humanity, regardless of nation, empire, or civilization, has largely proudly chosen to remain ignorant of the human Reptilian Structure, which is its biological foundation. How can you be aware of, understand, evaluate, maintain, revise, and improve something you barely acknowledge? With relationships, you have at least two separate Reptilian Structures keeping the participants alive. The personal idiosyncracies that are part of each will either enhance or sabotage that relationship. Better a facilitator, than an irritant. Which do YOU have?
Imprinting is what we are repeatedly exposed to, before learning recognition, discernment, self-esteem, and confidence. It patterns our BELIEFS. Based upon our Beliefs, we adopt superstitious assumptions and expectations which provide us with a confidence in associations and behaviors which are often irrelevant, incorrect, even dangerous or harmful to us. A baby duck, taken before hatching from the side of its mother, and greeted into the world and given food by a human, may respond to the human AS IF the person IS its mother. Other animals have performed in similar ways. Do humans have biological interaction startup patterns, that are subject to environmental influences?
The Human Primate
1. The Power of Others Controls Us
From the day we are born we experience hundreds of thousands of minutes during which people who are bigger than us, stronger than us, have more skills than us, and can move further and faster than us, control us. On a minute by minute basis, our Desires for warmth, cuddling, quiet, music, freedom, movement, food, water, excretion, cleanliness, and other forms of attention, are DELAYED. These pauses potentially, and often, encourage patterns of anxiety, frustration, anger, and intolerance in us. Yet, some of us more than others, are severely grateful WHEN our desires are met. During this physical growth period, as much as one third of our brain mass will develop. And all of that new growth will soak up patterns of association that extend from our awareness of the environment around us and the experiences we have.
The Power to Control our own lives is a potential that is in the wind around us for the extent of our lives. With physical and emotional maturity, we may Choose to learn more, do more, interact more, self-direct more, and generally earn more freedom. The freedom we earn is most often in relation to the freedom we encourage and allow in others. Sometimes, others do not make such adaptations and are sometimes penalized and victimized for their attempts, to which those around them feel threatened. As long as Role models and authority figures trade our passivity for their promises of security, acceptance, and safety ... others will control our lives. As long as we react to the good intentions of others, we hostility, we encourage a backlash of restriction. To survive a severe health challenge, one MUST be willing to take control of their Recovery. An expectation that others can MAKE you recover, is usually disappointed.
2. We are Alive, if we are Moving.
From the days we are born until we are 4 years old, we FEEL enlivened and healthy if we are moving while conscious. This is a physiological certainty. By moving, we assist ALL of our physiological processes to interact and do their part in the full scale of the body. Our heart and lymph system work easier and better, when we move. This encourages our metabolic system to digest and assimilate more thoroughly. That brings more nutrients and energy to each of our cells. In turn, our filtering and excretion systems remove ash and toxins to keep the whole from becoming clogged, inoperational, and dying. Our senses and brains are constantly learning new combinations of associations, which together with movements, allows us to develop skills and adopt choices. When the external activity that introduces the world to us is overburdened, we hibernate our consciousness. We stop its life to enable the inner unconscious to organize, maintain, and cleanup before the next set of adventures.
Have we learned to be Still?
To survive larger challenges, we are best prepared if we can be Calm, Self-Directed, Reflective, Open, Perceptive, Patient, and, Reverent. Commerce and task dominated cultures tend to deny and distract us from these states and skills and reward their opposite. Religions attempt to provide short-term, sometimes only weekly, exposure to these states with ritualistic alternate imprinting. Some provide options for setting longer-term ideals and beliefs. If these ideals, states, and beliefs are anchored only to a "religious" space, they remain disassociated from the majority of time and activities we are ACTIVE in.
Severe illnesses are rarely founded on Belief.
Few people only acquire CFS-ME as a result of their Religious training or commitment. Even so, the relevancy and constructiveness of our attitudes and behaviors will contribute to our openness to illness, and our closure to recovery. If we believe that we cannot recover, we will make little effort to find the options we need for such a recovery. If we are hopeful of a Recovery, we have a better potential for finding those options, selecting something relevant, and taking action. This is a form of Internal Action pre-empting external performance. If we have remained imprinted with physical performance as indicative of aliveness, CFS-ME will destroy us.
3. WHO we are is HOW we are treated.
It has taken us humans thousands of years to Begin to understand and recognize that HOW our parents interact with us influences HOW we FEEL and Think about ourselves. And let's not try and blame or reward them solely. How THEY interact with us is most often how their parents, or grandparents, interacted with their children. Fundamentally, much of humanity has lost its ability to responsibly and constructively parent. It must have carried more positive skills at some time or humanity would long ago destroyed itself. Yes, if you create discord with your child which is not resolved, your encourage that child to create discord in their interaction with the world. The pattern of behavior you impose on them, they will often impose on their children. Most certainly, they will impose it on their spousal partner, or, their work associates, or, strangers, or, any combination of these.
Imprinting is NOT a Choice.
Just in case you forgot that fact. The definition of imprinting is that it is an ACQUIRED habit of attitude and behavior which is a mirror of the reality which surrounds us. It is almost always an extension of our EXPERIENCE of a person of significance in our lives, and sometimes, of an institution, such as a church. Most imprinting is acquired when we are young, helpless, and dependent upon persons in parental or guardian roles. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, babysitters, nannies, daycare workers, elder brothers and sisters, and older cousins are common potential temporary guardians. We KNOW nothing of this world. THEY are like gods to us. They tell us what we can and cannot do. They feed and clothe us, provide shelter, and protection. Some people would be better served by being protected from their parents!
Why would a parent abuse their child?
Abuse can take many forms. It can be of a violent and physical form. It can be of an aggressive and manipulative sexual form. It can be of a deceptive and disorienting emotional form. It can be of a distorting, confining, and fear centered spiritual form. Most of us have heard about, know of, or experienced physical or sexual abuse ... from a parent or someone else. For the subject of this form of imprinting, about our self-identity, let us look further at the combination of emotional and spiritual abuse. I will use the example of a reality which was endured by a person I will refer to as Cathy.
Civilization has a repetative downfall
It ignores those activities which individuals are compulsively attached to, and, obsessively avoidant of. For much of recorded history, individuals have reacted and interacted as if they were paranoid of rejection, abandonment, penalty, ... a loss of or absence of Love. In the crush of our real and extended perception of physical needs for survival and comfort, we have little personal time for ourselves and minimal intimate time for partners and children. We sleep too little and work too long to maintain a high demand economic biased lifestyle. Personal and intimate time is often more ritualized and utilitarian in activity than sensual, exploratory, and relaxed. Many participants in a highly structured society live their lives according to what they BELIEVE is expected, and demanded of them, for priveleged membership.
Physical sex is often a substitute for Acceptance.
Sexuality can be rationally interpreted as an obvious and real acceptance of oneself by another, and, a demonstration of one's strength of identity. It is an activity which can envelope expressions of attraction, gifting, dominance, control, forgiveness, charity, empathy, sharing, teamwork, reverence. These capabilities are seldom appreciated, beyond the minority, unless, there is a positive environment of physical comfort, emotional harmony, spiritual strength, and, privacy. Spectatorship, even by ourselves of ourselves, emphasizes the quantity factor of performance as a distraction away from the quality factor of involvement. Larger families, rural isolation, environmental hardship, and, farming pioneering have typified the majority of population expansion through much of history. Manual work, anxiety over crop uncertainties, and loss ... left little time for energized sensual and sexual expression.
Idealistic misinterpretations and fear of fertility factors have provided a consistent sabotaging influence against human population balance, family and community harmony, and, the spiritual health of the individual. What are some of the Basics?
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ONE
Suckling encourages the human female to continue to produce a hormone which enables milk production, and, inhibits the menses (periods of preparation for impregnation and bleeding), and fertility. As long as the breasts are stimulated to produce milk, conception is minimized or prevented, and, family size is easily planned. Also, all children remain in an experience of close, mothering, love contact. In these "uncivilized" families, children may be suckled until they are as old as 6 years. In some cases, husbands my provide the suckling benefit, and pleasure, to their partner. Such families are afforded with stronger immune systems, lower stresses of anxiety and insufficiency, lower demands for manual overwork, more balanced emotional expression, and potentially greater tolerance of and support for neighbors and extended family.
How does NON-suckling benefit civilization?
By weaning the infant to a bottle within days of birth, and to liquid food within the first 6 months of life, the infant loses the intimacy, comfort, and pleasure .. of suckling. Elemental life experience becomes less sensual and more utilitarian. Rather than having a conscious focus on one's inner world and experience of Now, the infant and child develop and anxiety. There is an urgent desire to know about the outer world; how it controls us; how we can control it.
The lack of a daily or more often sensual comforting experience changes the frustrations of young life into unsatisfied needs, traumas, and, preoccupations. All of these, provide opportune areas of manipulation for social and parental authorities to introduce patterns of interaction into our baseline as imprinting in the form of socialization, and, education. Rationalization, euphemistically termed "intellect", is encouraged and enhanced to the exclusion of physical presence and reality. The person lives for the promises of tomorrow and in fear of the errors of the Past. Time for Now is minimized. Performance is leveraged with debt. Commerce takes on an abstracted life which demands obedience, and, participation. The political slave is alive!
Without a baseline of contentment and security, many of us can live our lives making severe efforts to fit into an ever larger society with ever more extensive requirements for participation. We become less important as individuals. We become more valued as tools of an impersonal structural organizm which promises to protect us and provide opportunities for ACCEPTANCE as long as we follow the norm. That norm can be set by authorites we revere as intended representatives of us, slaves, or, as real respresentatives of us, whom we constantly lobby through personal communications and public group demonstrations. A problem arises, most often, with the former.
Persons treated as slaves-at-a-distance have a tendency to search for and express their freedom. That freedom is often expressed through the taking of bribes, accepting the manipulations of lobby groups playing to their power, and, the guilt/vengeance of participating in taboo activities for the adventure-risk experience in an otherwisebland, ritualized experience, and, wanting to build one's own wealth of money, power, or control through self-rewarding actions which would be perceived of as immoral by those they represent. Civilization, or rather, political leadership, wins, at the emotional and spiritual expense of the individual.
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TWO
Physical Health will determine fertility.
There are many factors here and they often work in conflict with one another in our complicated modern constructed social and ecological environments. When the food producing soils were more healthy with a depth of decaying vegetation, nutrition assimilation enhancement fungi, optimal rainfall and sunshine, stable temperature and seasonal variations, clean air, and only ecologically resident insects ... the foods our ancestors ate contained as much as 400 times as many nutrients per calorie compared to modern commercially produced foodstuffs.
The benefit of our human "intellect" has changed this landscape. Our soils are now shallowed by the absence of soil cultivating organizms killed by our use of toxic concentrated chemical fertilizers, insecticides, and herbicides. Our air is polluted by thousands of chemicals spewed into the air from furnaces used to build armaments, construct infrastructures to afford larger population and commerce, and build, house and COMFORT ever frustrated individuals who live in denial and distraction. We have so allowed those leaders who promise to maintain peace and security between the human masses, make OUR decisions, and dictate OUR options, that we increasingly face fewer and more sacrificing realities. Global warming has now changed our climate, threatens our food supply, and imposes dramatic environmental "adjustments".
The chemical, biological, attitude, and behavoral toxins, noted in the above, influence one's fertility. In industrialized and commercialized countries, the toxins present in one's sperm, eggs, and the gestational body encourage biological mutation and defect in the offspring. It may not be so much that one cannot conceive, but a question of WHAT you conceive. Will it be a larger financial burden to you and the state than you were. And, in these decades of increasing financial restriction for both the majority of citizens and the majority or corporations, what will happen when the rest of the world refuses to support YOUR debt, or that of YOUR country. Anxiety and worry are the result of awareness without action. The longer denial rules, the harsher the reality found. You may not consciously face the reality of systemic political anarchy, yet unconsiously, it is mirrored in our daily distractions and overweight.
Fertility is assisted by the presence of hormones which dominate between ages 10 and 40. There was a smaller span in previous times before the advent of widespread availability of nutritional supplements, spices, commercially produced and imported foods, and sexually explicit mass media. All of these encourage the presence of and higher intensity of one's hormones. The outcome can be a greater intensity of desire (lust), need (capability), anxiety (frustration), distraction (control). Are you happy to have a Ferrari racing car which can cruise at 180 kph, yet you must drive it on highways with speed limits of 100 kph? And what of the debt you have acquired in order to have access to the Ferrari? No, you don' own it. The credit company does. And if you don't keep your anxiety reduction distractions up-to-date, it will be reprosessed, and you will be in prison, for rape!
WE have created a world in which our physical health is unstable. We flood our systems with nutrients, and, toxins. We flood our system with hormonal stimulants, and, behavioral depressants. We use our Intellect to drive us into greater complexity in the seach of solutions, yet, find we have more and greater problems in the outcome. Perhaps we would be best to look to the God who created us for the answers we have for so long ignored, denied, rejected, and abused ... before OUR mess is so great that not even God will save us, at the expense of the universe. We are walking along the edge of a blade, sharpening it in front of us. Time to step off?
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THREE:
Frequency of Sexual Activity.
There are several human sexual dynamics which work towards establishing physical harmony. One, is that the female is born with a specific personalized number of eggs in her ovaries. The more often she ovulates, the more often her supply diminishes. If she acquires any of several sexually transmitted diseases, or, other reproductive system parasitic infections or toxic presences, her eggs may be "spoiled", or, her capacity to have them fertilized may be lost. More severe illnesses, usually the result of the overloaded presence of chemical and/or heavy metal toxins may result in the health option of her having critical parts of her reproductive system, removed surgically.
Personal choices can provide direction.
A woman may, for cultural, religious, intellectual, or other contrived reasons, decide to "interrupt" her fertility through the use of artificial hormone supplements. The use of specific herbs and spices at specific times can also reduce, increase, or abort the presence of a pregnancy. Physical shields, devices, solutions, and cremes can provide intrauterine barriers against the success of introduced semen. She may also increase her intensity of fertility through the use of fertility clinic technologies and pharmaceuticals. Normally, without assistance or manipulation, a woman has a lifetime supply of eggs, a frequency of availability for fertilization depending upon hormone cycles she can regulate, a necessity for male impregnation for fertility success, a dependency on personal health for a healthful outcome, and, a likelihood of one or two offspring per success.
The human male has many fertility differences from the female. The male produces sperm on an ongoing basis in his testes. The quantity of these and of the production of the seminal fluid, which must transport the sperm, depend primarily on health integrity, hormonal intensity, and demand. The quality depends upon the biological, chemical and heavy metal toxins in his system and environment. If his immune system is severely impacted, as in the case of many persons who have CFS-ME, hormonal resources used to engage sexual libido and performance become diverted. They are required for the Reptilian Structure to lessen the inflammatory responses, and balance distorted cortisol requirements.
Hormonal intensity, in the male is elevated in many ways. Frequency both adds to capacity, and, can decreases fertility. Each is a matter of degree, for the individual, and within the history and age of the individual. A man may have a contented sexual relationship with a partner for many years with a frequency demand of once per week. Involvement with a new partner, for any of many reasons or factors, may have the male encouraged to increase his frequency to daily. With this encouragement by a willing partner, and if the man is in good physical health, his frequency demand threshold may increase to allow for the more often response. Should the same man return to his earlier partner, their, and his earlier threshold period will likely be encouraged and he will adjust back to it.
Frequency demand is the period of time indicated by the duration required for the seminal vesicles of the individual to fill and become "tight" or "bursting". These are most often almost unconscious feelings within the male for they are internal sensual feelings rather than external skin surface sensations. They can increase one's perceptiveness from appreciation and desire to lustful need. If the male has not voluntarily chosen to be involved in sexual activity before the frequency demand alarm flares, he will become highly distracted until the need can be resolved.
Sexual frequency demand flares can be resolved in several ways.
The most normal manner for relief of this physical pressure is through ejaculation in intimate sexual activity. Partner availability and willingness and readiness may not be appropriate. The most often frequently used alternative is masturbation, self-satisfaction and release. This is particularly enhanced in males, yet also in females, by the use of visualization. Various manual and mechanical methods of stimulation and manipulation may be employed to bring oneself to climax. A huge industry has developed to provide sexual provocation by way of internet pornography, digital videocassettes and DVDs, and other mass media.
Constipation is a method of resolution which enables the person to avoid thresholds of urgent demand. When constipated, the person may have feelings of an urgency to bear down with pressure abdominally in an attempt to squeeze out the compacted stool. This can often be further made to happen by intellectual concerns about one's regularity, about concerns with too much retention of wastes and toxins, and by concerns about physiological symptoms of pains and stiffness which can be indicative of toxic overloads in the body. Exerting internal pressure on the colon and anal passage in particular, will also add pressure to the seminal vessicles. This can result in semen being passed out of the flacid penis together with the next flow of urine. The result often attaches to porcelain toilet bowls and urinals with an appearance of gelatinous beads.
Intense intellectual activity can impact libido through the use of hormones for passion and aggressive focused activity. Intellectual activity is fundamentally an extension of inherent, imposed, or learned anxiety. There is a need or desire to find and use information to resolve experiences which are frustrating or angering. Intellect may also be used in attempts to expand one's sense of freedom, independence, safety, security, power, acceptance, membership, privelege, and other forms of self-worth and self-presentation. Passion and intensity, while a norm for some, are extremes and imbalances for many. Extremes consolidate resources which could otherwise be spread over diverse activities. Extremes of spiritual involvement can have the same result. Psychology terms this "sublimation".
Summary:
Frequency of sexual activity can extend from many factors with some of them open to choice while others disctated by a physical or social or political environment we may have little contribution to or influence on. Fundamentally, fertility, for both genders, will depend primarily upon one's physical health, one's sources of stimulation and resolution, and, one's level of anxiety extending from one's beliefs, attitudes, and imprinting. Too often a frequency for a male's norm will lessen the amount of seminal fluid to be ejaculated and reduce the sperm concentration, thus, reducing fertilization capacity. Hormonal cycles in the female will determine the availability of her ova for impregnation, and, her immediate capacity for fertilization. Toxins can contaminate sperm, ova, and gestational environment and can reduce fertility, and/or, libido.
Continuing with WHO we are is HOW we are treated.
We can now understand why there are so many children who have been born to parents who were not prepared for them. They may have done the best they could for the children they had, yet, that best could have been much more positive and constructive if the culture and the heritage had maintained a protective and spiritual framework within which they might have better matured. A conservative estimate is that 80% of humans birthed since 1900 were not wanted by their parents. Of those millions of experiences and histories, here is one.
Cathy was born into a family unwanted.
She was the first, and, an unplanned child, in young marriage.
She almost died before birth when her mother attempted to force a miscarriage. Later, with realtives and the neighbours showing considerable positive attention towards her and care about her, her mother warmed to her presence and began to look forward with positive expectations. Her mother began bleeding out, at home, near the delivery time. Unable to speak the new and native language, she was delayed in getting transportation to a hospital. More trauma for the unborn Cathy, for her mother was in fear of losing her, and of losing her own life.
Cathy did not have an easy birth.
Others would remember her as crying day and night for the first year of her life. While her mother had been a first born herself, she had never been allowed to witness any of the birthings of her sisters and brothers. those were neither events or proceedures to be spoken about in gatherings of good people. There were no pregnancy classes and early parenting trainings in those days.
Her parents had recently moved from their homeland to a new country. They arrived with very little money after a horrendous ocean voyage. They spoke none or little of the language in their new country. Poor and proud, Cathy's father mandated that his wife would never work outside the home. It would shame him if others thought he could not provide adequately. This belief and decision robbed the newly married couple of time together. The husband left for a long day of hard labor early in the morning and returned fatigued and tired in the evening. Cathy's mother had married her father for reasons.
As the eldest growing up in a large rural family during the 1930s and 1940s, in Europe, she had been given much responsibility, no freedom, endless hard work, and continual scathings by her mother. The marriage had brought together a young woman who wanted freedom and found a near stranger handsome, adventuresome and flattering. The young man was seeking someone who could care for him, be amother to his children, and came free of the frequent taboo sexual involvements which many other local girls had fallen ill to, sometimes from his own advances. For him, she was a young woman who was a hard worker, a virgin, available, and, somewhat attractive. for her, he was a prince who had noticed her, was offering to rescue her, and was telling her how she would be the flower of his eye every day.
4. We can DO, according to the Limits set by Others.
Re-imprinting, to Survive!
The strength of one's imprinting is relative to the number of times and the intensity with which the imprinted association has been repeated to one in words, or actions, AND, the number of times WE have reacted to opportunities and choices according to the imprinting, AND, the number of times we rehearse mentally the pattern of association and expectations of the imprinting. Consider that some persons have had imprinted beliefs imposed upon them with angry shouts, badgering insults, trauma inducing threats, and,
Energy Blocks:
3. Communication and TH1.
p-blaney-g.htm#TH1
How good could YOU communicate, with these helpers?
- poor memory
- poor decision making
- anxiety
- depression
- sleep disturbance
- tremor
- numbness
- tingling and weakness
What is the Question?
A question is a statement of a search for an answer.
The answer has not been found yet, though it may have been considered.
Whatever the questioner knows NOW and has considered, the results have been unsatisfactory. If they had found the answer, there would not be a question. THIS is important, for miscommunication can result from a confusion between statements and questions and between conclusions and questions.
Answers are an opportunity for change.
They are an alternative to confusion, conflict, and frustration.
The answer does not have to be acted on, yet, if one does not, it is a signal that either the answer is not seen to adequately resolve all or most of the issues being considered, or, that by solving some, others are expected to arise and complicate further the outcome sought.
Fear is one of the major roadblocks to our not enacting answers and solutions. Yet, if it is OUR responsibility that controls that outcome, and we beg off out of fear, that fear will remain, and, the frustration of the original problem will remain. If we expect that someone else is going to thank us for our soft shoe approach to OUR problem and expect THEM to resolve it for us, we are sadly in denial.
More detail on TH1.
p-blaney-g.htm#TH1
4. Tinnitus: The Silent Roar.
If you are in any environment in which hearing and communication is important, tinnitus will sabotage your success and your harmony You can easily begin to feel and believe that other people don't listen to you, don't care about you, dislike you, and are abusive to you ... when they are NOT. This becomes difficult for the other person for if YOU have tinnitus, your responses are likely to push them into being defensive, angry, passive-aggressive, abandoning, rejective, and moody.
Tinnitus is a Relationship Toxin.
Tinnitus is especially disastrous within intimate relationships, parent-child interactions, communication with authorities, and, any career in which communication interaction is imperative, such as sales, and, counselling. This is all BAD news for someone with CFS-ME. You have enough difficulties with yourself and the health care representatives without adding MORE barriers between yourself and those who are around you more often and on whom you may rely more. If you create enough bad experiences from miscommunication because of one or both of you having tinnitus, the harm done to your relationship may be almost, beyond repair. Certainly, without awareness, discernment, and increased coping skills, the damage will be critical.
It was shocking to me when my father was angry.
My father became very angry with his mother several times when I was a preteen. It was out-of-character for him. I seldom saw him become angry or show anger with or towards anyone. His mother would raise her voice and tell him to "Speak Up!" while he was speaking to her. She then added harsh words of complaint about how he was always speaking too quiet and how could he expect her to hear him.
Was he being rude or inconsiderate?
If I had been 40 feet away, I would have heard him clearly. My father, each time, confirmed that she either did not have her hearing aid in, or, that it was not turned on. He had been speaking in a normal tone and in a perfectly audible voice that anyone with normal hearing would have no difficulty with. With her demeaning and angry comments directed at him, he, several times, retorted back about how she could expect everyone to yell at her and why she refused to wear her hearing aid. Was she simply being difficult? Was she experiencing dementia?
Tinnitus is an Endemic health problem that is shared by millions, yet, many of them are unaware they have it, and most people are unaware that it exists. How can this be? I myself came to an awareness that I had tinnitus, probably decades after it began. There would be times when the background sounds would either be absent or too low to interfere with my hearing. Occasionally, the sounds would increase to be quite noticable, like someone playing loud white noise, or the sound of electrical interference, in the room. A good amount of my work requires concentration on what I am doing. During these periods, and in this state, it can become easier than at other times to not hear some noises and conversations. The reverse is also true with my increased perceptual sensitivity lending itself to my hearing more acutely what is going on nearby. The symptoms can be persistent, irregular, multiple. In short, they can be .. unpredictable.
An environment of activity and sounds.
That is where many of us live and work in this modern, commercial, technological, and media concentrated era. We often have so much going on around us that if we have subtler forms of tinnitus, we may not detect it consciously. It can tend to encourage us, through its constant demands on our Reptilian Structure, to feel and act as if we were anxious, impatient, frustrated, aggressive, or, oversensitive. It can influence us like the proverbial "itch you can't scratch", except it may be more like the "itch you don't know you have!" If we remain unaware of it, or in denial of it, it will tend to contribute to our life and health failures, and, worsen. Yet, unless we take, or are forced into, periods of quiet mediation in a still environment, we likely will excuse it.
Quiet meditation is not the easy activity of some purveyors.
Meditation is NOT the ideal peace inducing activity for everyone.
Many people indicate that they are simply made more aware of the business of their conscious brains during such exercises. They hear endless "talk" going on in their heads as anxieties, fears, guilts, and other concerns seem to beseige their "quiet" times. For some people, this is why they play loud music, talk a lot, are obsessive about activities or work, or addicted to alcohol, recreational drugs, mood altering pharmaceuticals, certain herbal teas, eating, media immersion (TV, movies, internet networking, reading). If it is not connected to where you are going, it is keeping you connected to where you have been.
Tinnitus is a physical response.
It interferes with one's hearing.
It is a contributor to much human disharmony.
Conflicts frequently develop between those persons who have the problem and others who also have it, as well as those who do not. Some people have the condition as a constant in their experience. Others experience it as something which comes and goes and may increase or decrease from time to time. There are many variations of it and a person may experience more than one at a time, or, at different times. There are numerous specific causes and contributors and influences which start it, maintain it, and resurrect it. Let's consider these. If we KNOW these, we will also be aware of how to minimize its influence, reduce its intensity and presence, possibly Recover from it, and, understand others who have it.
WHAT is it?
The condition of tinnitus (pronounced "tin-it-tus") is an unusual or abnormal noise in the ear. It is variously described by those who experience it as being LIKE one or more of these sounds:
- whistling,
- hissing,
- buzzing,
- roaring,
- ringing,
- cricket,
- chirping,
- rustling,
- static electricity,
- others.
WHY might you have a version of it?
Common Causes, influences, contributors:
- head injury (concussion, etc.)
- loud noise (repeated exposure)
- viral illness (one severe, or more)
- antibiotics (one or more uses)
- chronic stress (anxiety, fear, loss)
- TMJ misalignment (dental)
- blocked ear canal (wax?)
- ear diseases (infections, Meniere's)
- blood/bone imbalances
- Sinus infections
- others.
If you have EVER been to a dentist, a doctor, pharmacy, nightclub, listened to loud music (usually in or to avoid anger), been born with difficulty, played sports, skiied, lived in a city, had parents who cuffed your ear or the back or front of your head, fallen, or been exposed to high concentrations of refined substances (flour, sugar, dust, mould) ... you may have acquired a form of Tinnitus. You may have been fortunate to avoid doing so for numerous times. The reality is that you are gambling with each exposure that you WILL get it, and that you may gradually gain multiple forms. This is a Jackpot you really do not want to win and take responsibility for during the rest of your life.
WHAT can YOU do about it?
There are many FORMS of the experience.
Some, are more permanent than others.
Some respond to A remedy more than others.
There are ALWAYS options, with knowledge.
At the least, one can be understanding.
Prevention, remedies, therapies, surgeries.
- avoid chills and sinus infections.
- ensure intestinal health through detoxing.
- wash and dry ears thoroughly after swimming.
- ensure that ear wax is removed frequently and safely.
- maintain/improve bone health thro nutrition/exercise.
- encourage people NOT to abuse their ears with high volume sounds.
- invite acupuncture and other pain reduction modalities before anaesthetics.
- reduce chronic stress buildups through daily exercise, prayer, diet.
- seek herbal and homeopathic remedies before pharmaceuticals.
- adjust for WHY people (with tinnitus) do as they do.
- receive tests & feedback from a tinnitus specialist.
- surgical repair or cochlear implants
- others.
Use Awareness before Reacting.
Most of us Think and React BEFORE Sensing/reflecting and Responding.
We are quick to Judge with our limiting beliefs and attitudes.
We THINK we are using our intellect though it is our Ignorance.
Too often, our Pride and Impatience leaves the human mouth.
If we do not look INTO the other person, we may not see that they are NOT us!
If they merit our communication, they merit our Respect.
They may be unaware of THEIR problem.
Can YOU reveal it tactfully to them?
Problem or Solution?
What is YOUR part?
My grandmother was unaware, confused, and reacting.
She had a bad case of tinnitus, yet, it ruled her, not her, it.
It frustrated and fractured the closest relationships she had.
At a time in life when she needed people the most, she drove them away.
The tinnitus masked all external sounds, like standing under a waterfall.
Turning up or on her hearing aid, only raised the sound of the waterfall.
What was an irritation and distraction became a deafening alarm.
She turned it OFF. What would YOU do?
Could you explain WHY to others?
In 1953, would anyone believe you?
Would you have believed yesterday?
Are you game for a few simple tests?
Stand close to an operating furnace.
How clearly can you hear someone 20 feet away?
Close your ears with your fingers.
What do you hear? How loud is it?
It may only be the flow of your blood you hear.
With tinnitus, it will be much LOUDER.
People with tinnitus have an annoying habit.
They tend to speak too quiet for others to hear them.
They tend to not hear others unless others are LOUD.
They tend to think you are angry with them if you shout.
They tend to think you don't care if you don't hear them.
They tend to believe that it is YOU who have a hearing problem.
It becomes more difficult when they miss your qualifiers, like, Yes, No, Will you, Later, Now, ... and appear to assume the opposite. Are you speaking a differnet language? Are they intentionally being difficult? Are you, or they experiencing dementia or Alzheimer's?
A second test is for you to speak.
Speak as if you had tinnitus, softly.
Again, put your fingers to close off your ears.
Now, carry on a conversation with someone across the room.
You may speak loud enough for them to hear you, for a while.
If you are not to deafen yourself, you will lower your voice.
Soon, they may begin to have difficulty hearing you.
Especially, if there are background noises.
The Reality is that there are usually background noises.
The Reality is that THIS is what people with Tinnitus hear.
Loss, or, humility.
Strong willed and directed persons with tinnitus may begin a sentence with normal volume, then quickly drift down in volume. THEIR perception, unconsciously, can be that they started above the tinnitus background, yet, the combination soon became a roar. So, they reduced the roar! You hear the first 40% to 60%, then a blurr. You either ignore them, or, ask them to repeat. If you ask them to repeat, normally, they become defensive (because you are not listening!), or, you become aggressive (because they are not CONTINUING to speak loud enough) and you are confused by the dynamics. Better to acknowledge a tinnitus moment and agree NOT to converse unless you are within two feet of each other.
Words Adrift.
A secondary and also popular sequence is for the person to begin speaking within themselves, bring their thoughts to audible volume, then fade away. They may be accustomed to speaking within themselves as they think out what they INTEND to say. With a bad case of tinnitus, much of what they might say outwardly tends to be acted out within their minds with all the conscious presence to them, AS IF they are speaking it verbally. Unconsciously, they know they WANT to SAY this to YOU. Gradually, they raise the silent volume above the roar and hiss of their background tinnitus until THEY can hear what they are saying. This is the bit that you hear. Soon, their audible volume conflicts with their tinnitus volume, and, reflexively, they lower the volume of the only thing in their control, their voice. As it trails off into silence, you miss the words.
Here are 10 example statements
from someone with severe tinnitus.
Have someone read them to you, omiting the words between the @ signs. You tell them what you heard. Then, YOU read the statements out loud, ignoring the @ signs. What if you communicated with someone in the former style, most of the time? Would YOUR relationship have lasted? You now have the awareness to Prevent, Understand, Cope with, and Recover from most forms of tinnitus. Your relationships are not just being sabotaged by yours or theirs or the tinnitus of your doctor or therapist or dentist, so is your health and Recovery. YOU can make a difference.
- Jack phoned and said
@ that his truck has broken down. He @
won't be in to work tomorrow.
- @ Would you like beans or peas for @
supper? It will be ready soon.
- I am going into town tomorrow.
@There is a parcel at the post office. @
Do you want anything?
- I made an appointment with Pam.
@Two o'clock on Wednesday, the 22nd. @
She has been away a lot recently.
- Would you clean the grounds out
@of the coffee machine@
and then grind some more beans?
- No, I don't want any coffee
@now. I'll have some later.@
Fix yours and bring it in here.
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Other influencing factors.
Here are a few additional factors to be aware of and use wisely.
T-Gone is a good resource
for information, support, and homeopathic remedies which benefit SOME people who have tinnitus.
As Always, do your best to use accurate Muscle Testing or Spiritual Guidance before commiting to a purchase of remedies, therapy, or surgery. And, YOU are responsible for the outcome if you continue to Choose to be actively involved with those factors which impose and encourage Tinnitus.
T-Gone Remedies, Inc.
Successful Relationships are an Art!
An art is an activity which combines the best of experience, education, skill development, and tools. The artist is ever making an effort to effect the best result with their tools from their considerable practice and refinements. Skill is paramount to the final outcome. Artistic Skill demands awareness, sensitivity, innovation, passion, persistence, trust in oneself, forgiveness, ... for it is ever transforming crude resources into visual and tactile and auditory presentations of beauty. The artist IS an artist because they choose to join with the resources around them and create something which they are not sure what it will be, yet they have Faith that THEIR participation will prove acceptable to the God which made their life possible. Art often grows out of pain and suffering. It can reveal and share. It can be a reverential act.
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