The Cab Driver and the Old Lady, Annotated

A New Age / Humanist Parable.

by Anonymous

The Annotated Version is Below The ORIGINAL is HERE

COMMENT
The key indicators of this format of
"Look at me. I am so Good. Don't you just want to be as good as me."
technique are these:

Sentimental <> emotions are emphasized;
Acceptance is maximized; Rejection is minimized;
Imposing is confused with giving or sharing;
Sacrifice is made heroic and rewarding;
The reality of RISK is minimized.

<>Sentimental emotions are sadness, grief, pity, anxiety --- key triggers for anyone with abandonment energy blocks --- who are terrorized by fears of rejection, lack of acknowledgement, abuse, and loneliness.

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living.
When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away.

But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice.

COMMENT
The author describes this event from the perspective of someone who believed he had dependable intuition generated from many similar personal experiences. Yet most of the recipients of this note will not have ever been a cab driver nor have the benefit of that possible inner knowledge. Even IF, this driver had good intuition, it would be foolish, in most North American cities, to leave his cab without informing his dispatcher: Basic Safety.

The author is a cab driver, not a paramedic, police officer, social services worker, nurse or doctor. The author Egotistically centers on HIS/HER importance with the expectation/hope of finding someone in need who will desperately acknowledge their care and assistance. Of course, IF, the person is in such need, why would they not have called 911 rather than the cab company? IF, indeed the person is found in great need, the cab driver would be best to call for professional help. There WILL be some instances that could be served in this manner by the cab driver. How many?

The author is encouraging readers with little discernment as to the safety of these situations to risk their car being stolen, themselves being beaten or murdered by assailants waiting in the house. It happens. With these stories and with people acting naively, criminals are encouraged to use this tactic to lure cabbies to danger. Will the author take responsibility for encouraging such foolishness. What else is acting as if you live in an ideal world (trust), while acknowledging that you are likely in a much less than ideal situation (danger)?

I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase.

The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware. "Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said.

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness.
"It's nothing", I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers
the way I would want my mother treated". "Oh, you're such a good boy", she said.

COMMENT
The description is full of sadness and pity with copious judgements of the way in which the woman chooses to dress and decorate her residence/room. Such sentiments as expressed by the driver can be sincere as can the thankfulness of the old woman. It is more possible and real that the sentiments will be expressed in unconscious expectation of positive acknowledgement which may not be given. Older persons, if ill, and leaving a long lived-in home ... may be consciously distracted, angry, or frustrated ... and may resent being treated as if they are helpless, childish, or to be pitied.

There is no positive acknowledgement of the old woman.
Did her dress fit her well and look attractive on her? What of the colors or sit of her hat? Was her voice strong or weak and trembling? Did the room smell dirty, musty, clean, or fragrant? Was the box of glassware assumed to be junk? Why not ask her if she wanted it with her? Did he notice her skin color? People who don't have long to live are usually transported by doctor prescribed ambulance, nursing home staff, close relatives, OR, a cab called and notified of the condition of the passenger. No cab driver or company want a passenger dying during their ride. Possible legal action?

When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?" "It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly. "Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice". I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long."

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
"What route would you like me to take?" I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city.
She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighbourhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

COMMENT
The cab driver is assertive and honest in his caution to the lady about the costliness of the route she prefers. The driver kindly turns off his/her meter, yet this is not practical in most situations. Cab drivers may own their own cab, or, frequently work for companies who supply their cab.

No company tolerates a cab driver operating their car for 2 hours of continuous mileage without the meter running and they receiving their considerable share of the fees charged. Driving with it turned off and not maintaining contact with the dispatcher would usually result in the driver being terminated, or, a severe warning, regardless of the "sob" story.

If self-employed with a cabbie-supplied vehicle, using a dispatch service, there would be more allowance for individual choice. The service would still need to be contacted and informed of the availability of the cabbie. Often, when a cabbie turns off the meter, the cab available light on the hood turns on. Prospective riders then try to hail the cab as it passes. This driver may annoy a lot of such prospects who are not stopped for, yet seems to be available.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now." We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.
The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.
"Nothing," I said. "You have to make a living," she answered.
"There are other passengers," I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."
I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light.

COMMENT
Many 80-year-old women being driven around for 2 hours at 2:30 AM, after packing and dressing for a special outing, would be severely stressed by tiredness. It would have been much more safe for her health had such a ride been done during the day when she would be stronger and more alert. Again, the situation is assumed to be more desperate and tragic than it may be. No family does not mean no friends. Some nursing homes and social services do arrange for outings by their customers.

The old woman offer to pay something and acknowledges the driver.
She is rebuked and not respected. Many would feel pitied, which is often encourages feelings of depression and shame. Many fixed and low income persons find self-esteem and pleasure in doing something rather than having to be totally dependent on others, or be treated as if they are. If her request is unacknowledged, it is to say that the driver assumed that she was insincere. Is this not a severe judgement of the woman?

The driver is assuming, often, a know-it-all god-like position.
What if the judgements and assumptions are WRONG, as they often are?
IF the driver truly was sincere, he/she would care enough to listen, be empathetic, and share more, rather than judge, assume, expect.

Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT 'YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT ~ THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

COMMENT
Tragedy is highlighted again with the projection of the driver essentially killing the old lady. Some older persons find NEW life in nursing homes, surrounded by others of their own generation and similar health and history. After decades, sometimes, of living alone or restricted socially, remaining alone is often more cruel and debilitating than being with others. Mental and physical function can improve and be sustained longer, quite often, in a good senior's care facility. Why all the projected doom and gloom? Perhaps believing the worst allows the cabbie to take greater pride in his/her sacrifice.

Yes, it is often true that modern media and the status quo encourages us to concentrate on the dramatic events that catch our attention. THIS tactic of imposing one's assistance on someone too weak or tired to refuse and then using one's projected fears can make simple acts APPEAR and SEEM dramatic. But is the cabbie simply taking advantage of the old woman, with potential risk to himself and his livelihood so that he/she can play at being a hero for a few hours?

You won't get any big surprise in 10 days if you send it to ten people.
But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on.
Thank you, my friend....

COMMENT
This is a more generous ending than many similar documents circulated like e-mail spam on the Internet, since 1996. More often they "Bribe" the recipient by stating that some miracle of benefit will happen to the recipient if they send this note on to 10 or more of their friends. If the intent was truly Spiritual, the author would not be resorting to the manipulating technique of bribery, a promise of a possible reward for doing something that would likely not be done without the bribe.

Maintaining the double benefit-disadvantage fantasy-inexperience perspective of the New Age / Humanist, the now (late 2003) disavows itself from the stated bribe line of earlier, similar emails, and suggests only the positive and simplistic expected outcome. The world remains, savaged, sabotaged, endangered, and manipulated by well-intentioned persons who know what you want so well that they will never ask before imposing their choice on you.

If you don't like or want what they do for you, they will tell you that you are ungrateful and don't know what you want, because your sense of yourself is different than their sense of what they would be if they were in your situation. Don't be lulled into passive victimization. IGNORE them, AVOID them, Tell them to BUTT out. You can live your life and make your decisions without their self-righteous godliness, a result of an immature SuperEgo, acting like an Ego. They want to help others, but only for what they expect to get out of it.

When you help others, ensure that those "others" actually WANT your help.

It takes a little practice and awareness, yet FEEL whether YOU want to do this , or, are you doing because of a threat of expectation from others ... a fear of rejection, from a faceless ungodly tyrant? God KNOWS your Heart.

Ask God for WHEN, to WHOM, and in WHAT way you are Best to participate .. for the Spiritual benefit of the Universe.

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